Sunday, December 30, 2007

Your New Year's Resolution and Repentance

In Sunday School today someone mentioned that "a New Year Resolution is really another form of repentance." That made sense to me. After all, we change our life to improver it, to replace less-righteous habits with better ones. Even the most popular resolution - to loose weight - is really a decision to more fully keep the Word of Wisdom. That requires repenting of one's previously lax attitude toward the Word of Wisdom. A resolution to read the scriptures daily requires repenting of not following the Prophets previous counsel to read the scriptures daily.

Harold B. Lee once said that "a goal not written is only a wish." And after thinking about New Year Resolutions and repentance, I've come to the conclusion that a resolution without repentance is only a dream. The repentance process helps us to make the commitment required to change our behavior. By admitting our wrong doing, we can consciously make the decision to stop that behavior. By promising God that we will change our life we are enlisting him as our partner in making that change. Repenting enables us to put away our undesirable behaviour which in turn opens the door to pursuing a more righteous lifestyle.

Let's no longer allow our life to be consumed with wishes and dreams. If you truly desire to make a permanent change in your life, acknowledge your need to repent of the behavior you desire to change. Allow the Lord to be your partner and together you can make your resolution a reality.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The Coral Beads - Be Not Deceived

A few years ago we took our family and my mother on a 3 week trip to the South Pacific. While in Fiji my mother bought some pearl and coral jewelry. By the time we arrived back home one of the tiny coral beads had fallen off of one of her earrings. She was devastated and because I was an armature jewelry maker she asked me if I could fix it.

I went to work using polymer clay, mixing textures and colors, attempting to create something that could be made into a bead that looked exactly like the other coral beads on the earring.

After several experiments I hit upon a perfect match. Lovingly, I shaped and baked the bead. I spent hours sanding, polishing and varnishing it so that it would take on the sheen of the genuine coral beads. Then I glued the little bead onto the earring.

The next day I took it to my mother. I asked her if she could tell which bead was the counterfeit coral. She took out her reading glasses and closely inspected the earring. Finally she said with surprise, "I can't tell the real ones from the one you made."

Afterward I thought about what I had accomplished and I wondered if this was exactly how the adversary worked his medium, used his tools, to create fakes. Heavenly Father created the real coral beads, but the fake bead was hone slowly, deceptively, with the intent of fooling those who looked upon it.

At first glance, and even upon closer inspection, it looked just as pleasing as the real thing. In fact, the only way to determine which bead was the counterfeit would be to take it apart, look deeper into its makeup and perhaps, to crush it. Applying pressure to the real beads would cause the molecules within its structure to coalesce, to work together to fend off the opposing force. But under pressure, the clay bead would break apart and become thousands of disorganized, worthless particles.

The adversary is a capable creator of the dark arts. He can produce deceptive fakes that at first glance look as pleasing as the truth. I'm sure that he first notices where we are weak, lost and broken, then he goes to work to hone and polish a deceptive gem to fill the hole in our sole.

In a world full of imitations we need to be ever vigilant, ever aware of the deceptions that confront us in our life. Those deceptions will come to us through our areas of weakness, and take advantage of our fear. The evil reproduction may appear pleasing on the surface, but underneath it is is filled with barbs that will hook our spirit and drag us into the depths of despair.

We must protect ourselves continually by staying close to the Lord, learning his will and doing everything we can to remain worthy to receive guidance from the Holy Spirit. Sometimes living the gospel feels like pressure, but if we remain true we will be strengthened for our faithfulness. We will be better able to distinguish between truth and deception.

Karen Dougherty

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Two Sides of Adversity

“As ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort”(see Mosiah 18:8–9).

As members of a ward family we are often called upon to assist in caring for others in our ward who need physical, emotional and spiritual help. Doing so not only brings blessings to those who are in need but it helps us, the provider, deepen our compassion, feel needed, and live less selfishly.

All of us will experience the difficulties that this life can bring; surviving difficulty is a large part of our journey in this estate. Growing through those difficulties is not just about learning the lesson of the trial, but it is about humbling ourselves enough to ask for and to receive help from others.

Both sides of adversity can be a growing experience. In the long run, the adversity of one can benefit the lives of many as long as humility and compassion work together. Bishop Richard C. Edgley, First Counselor in the Presiding Bishopric related the following in Conference last October:

"From bearing one another’s burdens as ward members, we have learned several lessons:

1. The Lord’s organization is fully adequate to know and care for those with even the most dire emotional and spiritual needs.
2. Adversity can bring us closer to God, with a renewed and enlightened appreciation for prayer and the Atonement, which covers pain and suffering in all their manifestations.
3. Members who suffer tragedy firsthand often experience an increased capacity for love, compassion, and understanding. They become the first, last, and often the most effective responders in giving comfort and showing compassion to others.
4. A ward, as well as a family, draws closer together as it endures together—what happens to one happens to all.
5. And perhaps most important, we can each be more compassionate and caring because we have each had our own personal trials and experiences to draw from. We can endure together."


I have experienced both sides of diversity and I have also been blessed with enormous growth from each side. Let's be grateful for our ward family and for the challenges the Lord gives us to work through. In the arms of our ward family we never have to tackle hardship alone.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Prophets, Perfection and God's Choices

In seminary this year I'm teaching The Old Testament. Part of the lessons we have had this week are about Moses and his many moments of questioning God's instruction. The class decided that he must have had difficulty maintaining his faith in God and in God's power. I am inclined to agree.

I thought about this a great deal today. Moses was a prophet,led by God, and a talented leader. But he was human. He had grown up with the teachings of the Pharaoh, not the gospel. In essence, he was a convert and in spite of that he ended up being an incredibly righteous man.

He was given the opportunity to frequently commune with the Lord. He spoke with him face to face. He was transformed in order to withstand the immense presence of God, and yet he was not a perfect person. In fact no prophet in ancient or modern history has ever been perfect. All of them were and are human and are therefore fallible.

Being a prophet doesn't mean you are no longer tempted, or no longer make human mistakes. It does mean that for reasons only God knows, that person was chosen to receive revelation for the church and it's population. That individual was the one whom the Lord chose to carry out His plan at that particular time.

Was Joseph Smith perfect? Absolutely not. But he was a prophet. He was chosen by the Lord to receive the fullness of the gospel and to restore Christ's church on the earth with the proper priesthood authority and organization that Christ originally brought to the Earth. Jesus Christ is the only person to live on the earth from birth to death in a state of complete perfection.

Today President Hinkley is a prophet to the world. Is he perfect? Absolutely not. But he and he alone has been given all the keys to the priesthood as well as the authority to receive revelation for the good of the church.

When we are confronted by people who argue that a prophet has led an imperfect life, fill them in on the facts here. Imperfection is human. That is precisely why Christ came to the earth, to atone for our sins. That is why we are taught to forgive, and to repent for our misdeeds. The only real sin is to deny that the atonement pertains to all. The act of repentance is what makes the difference between righteous men (and women)and those who remain in sin.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Forgiveness - The Gift you Give Yourself

The Holiday Season reminds us to be compassionate toward others. But what about someone who has offended you in some way? How can you be compassionate toward someone you feel has hurt you? Forgiving someone who has offended you is the best way to let go of negative energy and hurt feelings.

Forgiveness isn't about condoning the offending behavior, nor is it about forgetting that it ever happened. Forgiveness is a choice to no longer allow the offender's previous behavior to control your emotions. It is about letting go of your anger, and choosing to step out of the victim role.

What is forgiveness?

There's no single definition of forgiveness. But in general, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentments and thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness is the act of releasing yourself from thoughts and feelings that keep you tied to the offense committed against you. Doing so can reduce the power these feelings have had over you. When you forgive, you can live a freer and happier life in the present instead of focusing on your negative past experience. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiving isn't the same as forgetting what happened to you. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. And forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.

There are also tangible benefits to forgiving?

Researchers have recently become interested in studying the effects of being unforgiving and being forgiving. Evidence shows that holding onto grudges and bitterness results in long-term health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, offers numerous benefits, including:

* Lower blood pressure
* Stress reduction
* Less hostility
* Better anger management skills
* Lower heart rate
* Lower risk of alcohol or substance abuse
* Fewer depression symptoms
* Fewer anxiety symptoms
* Reduction in chronic pain
* More friendships
* Healthier relationships
* Greater religious or spiritual well-being
* Improved psychological well-being

Help yourself - forgive your offender and live a happier, less stress-filled life.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Loving Thy Mormon Neighbor

It seems to me that "Mormonism" is the latest media fad. But what really intrigues me is how hateful some self-proclaimed "Christians" can be. Ignorance I can understand. I can even understand vehemently defending one's belief system. What I have a hard time understanding is the hypocrisy and angry intentions of some of those professing to love and follow God and His son Jesus Christ.

I'm talking about the people who respond to blogs, news articles and other media saying that they follow the Bible or that they are the "true" Christians and yet they hold deep seated hatred for members of other faiths including members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS) - often referred to as the Mormons.

So to those who feel self-righteous, who believe that they are endowed with the authority to determine who is a real Christian and who is going to Hell, let me just quote the following:

Mathew 7
1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye;

Mark 12
Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these (the first being to love the Lord).

Luke 10 - (The Good Samaritan)
29 But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?
30 And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.
31 And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.
32 And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.
33 But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,
34 And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.
35 And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.
36 Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?
37 And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.

If you are a true Christian and profess to live life according to the Bible then you must love Mormons, refrain from judging them and be compassionate toward them.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The LDS Church - A Worldwide Family

I am in the midst of a month of traveling right now. I spent a week in Nevada, I'm currently in Florida and next week I'll be in Hawaii. Eventually I'll be back in California (if it hasn't been completely covered in fire and brimstone).

Whenever possible we attend church while we are away, and with over 12 million members throughout the world, and lessons and conference talks available on lds.org it is nearly always possible. And it is wonderful to know that wherever we are in the world, regardless of language and cultural differences, we will always be welcomed and always feel at home when we attend church elsewhere.

Every ward in the world is teaching the same lessons, albeit not always on the same week our ward does, but I love knowing that we are able to hear the word of the Lord in the way He wants us to hear it regardless of where we are.

And knowing that no matter where we are, the Americas, Europe, Asia, the South Pacific or wherever, we are never more than a phone-call away from new friends, brothers & sisters, who are willing to help us if we find ourselves in need.

I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. I love the instant love and acceptance we share with one another. I love the fact that God loves us so much that he is constantly giving us opportunity to understand that all of us - everyone on Earth - are His children. He loves all of us and knows us by name - regardless. I find great comfort in that knowledge.

Can you imagine a world filled with such?

Monday, October 15, 2007

Faith & the Pursuit of Spiritual Growth

My daughter-in-law, son and I were talking today about spiritual planes, specifically if it is part of the human condition to have difficulty visualizing how your own life would be different if you were at a higher spiritual plane than you are now. That got me thinking.

My first thought was to answer in the affirmative. When we are living the gospel the best we know how it can feel like we are at times overcome with the spirit. We tend to remember those moments as long as we continue to live the gospel the best we can. But if we allow ourselves to drift away from the influence of the Holy Spirit then those sacred, spiritual memories of basking in the light of Christ can be removed from our conscious thought.

When we look at others who we admire in the church it is often difficult for us to imagine that we will ever be as "good" or as "spiritual" as they are. But that is because we cannot see around life's corners. We cannot predict with great accuracy how we will grow spiritually over a given period of time. We only have our past and present life to help us to predict our future.

But God can see around our corners. He knows just what trials we need to go through in order to grow in the direction that will benefit us and our family the most. And that is where faith comes in. We not only need to understand that we have lot's of spiritual grow-room, but we need to trust that the Lord will provide us a path on which to pursue a higher spiritual plane.

Those who are perhaps older and more experienced in life may seem to be on a higher spiritual plane, and perhaps they are; but it is more likely that their life experiences have enabled them to evolved spiritually over time. They are not better than the rest of us, they have just had time to smooth out a few more of their rough spots. And all of us will be given opportunities to do the same.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Halo-3 & Evangelical Churches Promoting Violence


The video game Halo 3 was released just 3 weeks ago and already sales have topped 3 million dollars. That isn't my story.

The real story is about the hundreds of protestant churches, including many Baptist and Evangelical denominations, who are promoting the violent game of murder and bloodshed to the youth in their areas. Due to graphic bloodshed, violence and a focus on murder, the game has been rated M for mature players. In fact you have to be at least 17 years old to purchase it. But that hasn't stopped church leaders from promoting and offering it to any child who is willing to come to the church to play it.

In fact many of the churches have purchased more televisions so that they can accommodate more youth who want to play the game. Never mind if the reason the kids don't own the game is because their parents don't approve of it. The ministers are so desperate to bump up their youth attendance stats that, as one pasture stated to CNN today, they are willing to "use the Devil if it will get kids to go to church."

In fact the kids don't have to attend a religion class in exchange for being allowed to play the game, and most do not. In providing Halo, churches are permitting access to adult-themed material that young people cannot buy on their own.

“If you want to connect with young teenage boys and drag them into church, free alcohol and pornographic movies would do it,” said James Tonkowich, president of the Institute on Religion and Democracy, a nonprofit group that assesses denominational policies.

The excuse that "everyone is doing it" doesn't make it right to use something as a missionary tool. However that is exactly the argument these church leaders are using to rationalize their decision to promote the "joy of killing" video game. In my opinion,when it comes to Christlike living, the end does not justify the means.

“It’s very pervasive,” said Mr. Palmer a Southern Baptist area leader. His organization recently sent e-mail messages to 50,000 young people about how to share their faith by using Halo 3.

At Sweetwater Baptist Church in Lawrenceville, Ga., Austin Brown, 16, said, “We play Halo, take a break and have something to eat, and have a lesson,” explaining that the pastor tried to draw parallels "between God and the devil. But I just like playing the game. It is just fun to blow people up.”

I am so happy to work with the youth in our ward. Boys and girls alike get up at dawn to attend seminary class before going to school. We pray, sing, study the scriptures and I teach a lesson. There are no video games involved, just a love for the gospel and the fulfilling presence of the Holy Spirit. You can't get that with violent, adult themed, video games.
quotes from: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/07/us/07halo.html?_r=1&adxnnl=1&oref=slogin&adxnnlx=1191903520-VuLkiQr74TDBijE5XJ3c3w

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Catholics do Baptism for the Dead

Perhaps this is common knowledge - I have been known to be ignorant from time to time - but because my Catholic friends seem perplexed by our baptism for the dead ordinance I guess I assumed that we were the only church who did it. Not so.

OK, some will say that I am taking this out of context, and perhaps I am, but basically I don't see much difference. The "this" I'm referring to is the tradition for Catholics to baptize babies who die before they are able to be baptized while alive. One of my boys went to South America on his mission and so did my daughter-in-law. She said that it was common for dead babies to be brought to the church and baptized before being buried.

So, I ask, what is the difference between baptizing someone who has been dead for several hours or a day and someone who has been dead for a hundred years? Dead is dead. The spirit has left the vessel and resides in heaven, or the spirit world or whatever word you refer to as the afterlife.

Of course there are differences. One being that when we baptize we believe that it is actually the person in spirit - not the flesh - who accepts or rejects the ordinance. Eventually that person will get their physical body back, but it isn't the body that the ordinance is done for. It is our spirit that is housed in our body that makes all of our choices in life, not our flesh. And it is our spirit in the afterlife that will be in control - not our flesh.

Perhaps some protestant churches baptize their dead before burying them, I'll have to look into that. But for now at least I understand how I can better explain our ordinances to others in a way they can accept and understand.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Can Mormons be Vegans?

I remember years ago learning in some class or meeting that being a vegetarian was not living the gospel. The thought was that by following and understanding the Word of Wisdom we would eat meat when other fresh foods were not available. But when grains, fruits and vegetables were in season we should focus on them instead of on meat.

Well, for those of us who live in the United Stated and other countries where produce is available all year round, how do we reconcile eating meat at all? On the other hand, even those of us who profess to follow the Word of Wisdom, most of us don't truly follow it to the letter of the law. In our "1st world" of plenty we have all varieties of foods available to us nearly all year long. We can eat a meal with meat & grain & veggies & fruits any time we wish. I've yet to meet anyone who only eats meat during the coldest winter months. So how, in this modern era of food production, do we figure out how to best follow the Word of Wisdom so that when we are at our next temple recommend interview we can feel honest about the answer we give?

Because of the constant availability of legumes, lentils, whole grain products and soy products along with the regular fruits and fresh/frozen veggies, eating meat may not be necessary anymore in our culture. Hmmm...

About 20 years ago a friend of mine became a vegetarian and soon the whole family followed suit. At first I was terrified. Afraid that they would be scolded by the leaders of the church or that they were on the verge of apostasy. I was wrong on both counts. My friend's family members were all very obese, she had diabetes and other health problems and her new son-in-law talked them into trying the new lifestyle for just a few weeks to see how they felt about it. So they did.

They didn't become vegetarians because they were protesting the killing of animals to satisfy our gluttonous desires. They were doing it to see if their health would improve. Within just three months it became obvious to all who knew them that whatever they were doing was really helping them. They all lost weight slowly and healthfully. Their diabetes became so easy to control with the diet that they were able to go off their meds. It was like a miracle.

Now two decades later, I have diabetes and I've become obese (60 lbs overweight) and I am looking for help to get my health back, my stamina back and my figure back. So I started listening to lectures by medical doctors who were right on the forefront of learning exactly how to cure diabetes (even in the most ill patients) by healing their bodies from the inside out - strengthening their cell membranes, sloughing the fat off the cells that were preventing the body from utilizing insulin in the best way, and by healing the whole body rather than just treating a symptom.

The research has recently shown that by eating a completely vegan diet (no meat, dairy or eggs), one can see marked improvements in just two weeks and within a year they can be cured of type 1 or type 2 diabetes. Then the researchers started treating severely ill people with heart disease who were not expected to live long, and out of 100 people put on a strict Vegan diet, over 80 of them grew new, stronger veins to their hearts and their cholesterol levels went down so fast that they had to stop taking their pills. The other 20 people improved enough to be able to avoid surgery and all are still alive as of this writing. Surprisingly, their arthritis also went away and everyone lost weight even those who did not exercise. And one woman in the study who had cancerous polyps had a miraculous recovery as the cancer and the polyps disappeared.

So I am now a Mormon and a Vegan. It has nearly been a week now. I told my Bishop about it and he supported me 100%. The reason is because I'm not taking the stand that killing animals for food is a horrible thing. I am doing it because I want to do whatever I can, in a natural, God given way, to nourish my body the way it deserves to be nourished. I want to do my part to treat it like the temple that it is.

So far after less than a week, my blood sugar has gotten down to normal range for the first time in over 2 years, the arthritis in my fingers is nearly gone and I have lost 4 pounds without letting myself get the least bit hungry. Without exercise I should loose about a pound a week, but with exercise I will loose about 2 pounds a week. What a great perk!

If you want information or the books that I have read leave a comment and I'll get back to you.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Sibling Marriage and Other Tolerance Issues

This afternoon in my RS meeting I helped teach the lesson on marriage and how the world is turning away from marriage and the nuclear family. Of course the issue of "gay marriage" is frequently in the media, but the other day I saw a news-type show featuring a brother and sister who were a "couple" and wanted sibling marriage to be legalized. Their premise was that if we authorized gay marriage then we should also legalize any union between two or more people without prejudice - even siblings.

I know, to most people this sounds preposterous. But when you look back just a few decades, so did the idea of gay marriage. Our Western European culture has for years stressed the importance of tolerance saying that we need to get over the Victorian belief that the only true marriage is between a man and a woman. However many who have professed this attitude would themselves be intolerant of sibling marriage, child marriage and say, pedophilia based marriages.

I suppose my point is that when people vehemently profess tolerance for all, they are really only wanting tolerance for their own deviant lifestyle. They would have us believe that a line should not be drawn, but they themselves would draw a line somewhere.

So where should we, the LDS community draw our line? Thank God, we have been given the sacred counsel from the first presidency in the form of the Proclamation on the Family to help us understand the sanctity of marriage and to whom it should apply. That is where the Lord drew his line and no societal changes should alter our opinion. It is a tried and true principle that works here on Earth and in the eternities. It may not make everyone in the world happy, but then, no righteous principle does.

There will always be those who want to write their own ticket to eternal life. But that just isn't the way the plan works.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Introducing a New Online LDS Store

There is a new online LDS store where you can shop for everything from books and music to food storage and emergency preparedness supplies. There are wedding dresses for plus size women, children's games and books, and even ties for your man.

With Christmas just around the corner you can get most of your shopping done in just a few minutes at The LDS Mall

So check it out today. And because inventory will be updated regularly check back often to see what's new and what's on sale.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

8.0 Earthquake in Peru & the LDS Church

Several days ago Peru suffered a devastating 8.0 earthquake near Lima. At least 500 people died and some area and outlying areas are nearly obliterated. Of the 430,000 members of the church in Peru 7 were killed and 14 were injured. All missionaries are safe and accounted for.

Although the areas in the town around the temple were seriously damaged, the temple, the mission home and ward buildings were not damaged and many are being used as shelters for those who have been displaced from their homes.

Since the quake, missionaries have been helping with the cleanup and search through the rubble. Yesterday the church reported to the Deseret News that it had already sent
* $82,000 worth of medical instruments,
* $200,000 worth of pharmaceuticals
* a truckload of relief goods
* 3,000 family food boxes
* hygiene kits and tarps.
* 10,000 blankets
* tents and other emergency supplies

One Peruvian man stated that he was "so grateful for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints because they are always the first group to arrive on the scene with aid."

When we pay our fast offerings and other tithes & offerings we are doing our part in giving aid to people all over the world who are dealing with catastrophes we can only imagine. I have to say that I feel so happy to do what I can to relieve the suffering of others by paying tithes and offerings. Doing so helps me to remember how very blessed I am and how selfish I would be if I were to ignore those in need.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Mitt Romney and Media Induced Missionary Moments

There seems to be a lot of media this summer regarding the LDS church and it's beliefs. Some believe that it is the liberal media's way of making sure Mitt Romney isn't the Republican choice for the Presidency. Others believe that the media is unwittingly helping his campaign and that the often one sided media is actually increasing public interest in the church.

Whatever the reason, I know that it has sparked questions from some of my friends who haven't previously been at all curious about what I believe. Suddenly people are asking me about what I think of the latest media story. Some have been enticed to participate in lengthy discussions about the gospel.

Although I have read and re-read the scriptures several times in my life, I am not a scriptorian. But I have found that when I ask God to help me answer their questions in a manner that would be pleasing to him, I am always blessed with the right words, and most importantly, the right spirit. Nervousness is excusable, contention and defensiveness is not.

These are times in which having a testimony is invaluable, and living well is the best way to show others who we are and what we stand for. Let's polish our testimonies, study the scriptures and pray that we will be a helpful tool for the Lord. That way you won't be caught totally off guard when someone asks you that golden question.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Should Dating LDS Couples Kiss?

How much physical affection is demonstrated in an intimate relationship will be, and needs to be, different for every couple. However living the gospel can be a great foundation for couples who want, and or need, to set some limits.

Here are a few thoughts about what those limits should be.

1. The age and dating experience of the individuals involved plays a huge role in determining what those limits should be. Although physical attraction is universal regardless of age, the younger and less experienced a person is the more likely they will be to allow themselves to get caught up in the physical pleasures of an intimate relationship.

This is because the newness of physical affection and the power it can have on one's ability to put the breaks on makes it very difficult to say stop. Our brains aren't fully developed until around age 23. Before then we lack the ability to make the most rational decisions regarding the consequences to our behaviors. Consequently, prior to age 23 or so, your limits should be very conservative. A kiss goodnight, at the door, after a date, may be as far as you agree to go. Anything else can easily lead to behaviors that will later be regretted.

2. Rules often seem old fashioned, but physical attraction and sexual desire have been the same since Adam and Eve. That is the way God created us so that we would be able to reproduce. And since the beginning of the human race, couples who have not set firm boundaries and limits regarding their dating behaviors have ended up paying an enormous price for indiscretion.

Any time a couple allows themselves to become intimate to the point of spending their time together experiencing the physical pleasures of intimacy they are putting themselves at risk. Even "making out" can lead to crossing boundaries that would not be crossed if a limit had been agreed upon ahead of time. You can be sexual with any one, but getting to know another person for who they really are requires spending time together doing things that allow you to experience them in non sexual ways.

So if your goal is to get a short-lived thrill that you may later regret, spend your time together exploring each other physically. But if your goal is to get to know your date, or to determine if you want to pursue a long lasting relationship, set your limits to a single but meaningful kiss at the door.

The rule of thumb is to never allow yourself to engage in an activity that you would be embarrassed for your mother to witness.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Be an Imperfect Parent


Around age 6-7 children begin to see their parents’ humanness. They begin to wonder why mom says “don’t take what doesn’t belong to you,” and then eats a grape at the grocery story while shopping. “Isn’t that stealing mom?”

We want our children to learn perfect principles and sometimes we mistakenly expect more from them than we expect from ourselves. But what should a parent do when they have done something so obviously wrong that even their little children notice?

Just as you tell your children that “honesty is the best policy,” when you do something wrong you have to be able to own up to it and come clean with your child. Admit that what you did was wrong. If the infraction was against them, apologize. If someone else was involved tell your child how you plan to make it right. And if there was no other injured party, tell your child that you know that what you did was wrong. Let them know that you make mistakes too and that you try very hard to make as few as possible.

In short, be an example. Being honest with your child about your own humanness will help them feel less troubled about their own. Showing them how you handle your mistakes shows them how to handle theirs. Yes, they will eventually figure out that you aren’t perfect but in the process they will learn valuable life lessons. And isn’t that what parenting is all about?

More parenting tips at http://www.psych-net.com