Forgiveness - The Gift you Give Yourself

The Holiday Season reminds us to be compassionate toward others. But what about someone who has offended you in some way? How can you be compassionate toward someone you feel has hurt you? Forgiving someone who has offended you is the best way to let go of negative energy and hurt feelings.

Forgiveness isn't about condoning the offending behavior, nor is it about forgetting that it ever happened. Forgiveness is a choice to no longer allow the offender's previous behavior to control your emotions. It is about letting go of your anger, and choosing to step out of the victim role.

What is forgiveness?

There's no single definition of forgiveness. But in general, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentments and thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness is the act of releasing yourself from thoughts and feelings that keep you tied to the offense committed against you. Doing so can reduce the power these feelings have had over you. When you forgive, you can live a freer and happier life in the present instead of focusing on your negative past experience. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiving isn't the same as forgetting what happened to you. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. And forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.

There are also tangible benefits to forgiving?

Researchers have recently become interested in studying the effects of being unforgiving and being forgiving. Evidence shows that holding onto grudges and bitterness results in long-term health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, offers numerous benefits, including:

* Lower blood pressure
* Stress reduction
* Less hostility
* Better anger management skills
* Lower heart rate
* Lower risk of alcohol or substance abuse
* Fewer depression symptoms
* Fewer anxiety symptoms
* Reduction in chronic pain
* More friendships
* Healthier relationships
* Greater religious or spiritual well-being
* Improved psychological well-being

Help yourself - forgive your offender and live a happier, less stress-filled life.

Can Mormons be Vegans?

I remember years ago learning in some class or meeting that being a vegetarian was not living the gospel. The thought was that by following and understanding the Word of Wisdom we would eat meat when other fresh foods were not available. But when grains, fruits and vegetables were in season we should focus on them instead of on meat.

Well, for those of us who live in the United Stated and other countries where produce is available all year round, how do we reconcile eating meat at all? On the other hand, even those of us who profess to follow the Word of Wisdom, most of us don't truly follow it to the letter of the law. In our "1st world" of plenty we have all varieties of foods available to us nearly all year long. We can eat a meal with meat & grain & veggies & fruits any time we wish. I've yet to meet anyone who only eats meat during the coldest winter months. So how, in this modern era of food production, do we figure out how to best follow the Word of Wisdom so that when we are at our next temple recommend interview we can feel honest about the answer we give?

Because of the constant availability of legumes, lentils, whole grain products and soy products along with the regular fruits and fresh/frozen veggies, eating meat may not be necessary anymore in our culture. Hmmm...

About 20 years ago a friend of mine became a vegetarian and soon the whole family followed suit. At first I was terrified. Afraid that they would be scolded by the leaders of the church or that they were on the verge of apostasy. I was wrong on both counts. My friend's family members were all very obese, she had diabetes and other health problems and her new son-in-law talked them into trying the new lifestyle for just a few weeks to see how they felt about it. So they did.

They didn't become vegetarians because they were protesting the killing of animals to satisfy our gluttonous desires. They were doing it to see if their health would improve. Within just three months it became obvious to all who knew them that whatever they were doing was really helping them. They all lost weight slowly and healthfully. Their diabetes became so easy to control with the diet that they were able to go off their meds. It was like a miracle.

Now two decades later, I have diabetes and I've become obese (60 lbs overweight) and I am looking for help to get my health back, my stamina back and my figure back. So I started listening to lectures by medical doctors who were right on the forefront of learning exactly how to cure diabetes (even in the most ill patients) by healing their bodies from the inside out - strengthening their cell membranes, sloughing the fat off the cells that were preventing the body from utilizing insulin in the best way, and by healing the whole body rather than just treating a symptom.

The research has recently shown that by eating a completely vegan diet (no meat, dairy or eggs), one can see marked improvements in just two weeks and within a year they can be cured of type 1 or type 2 diabetes. Then the researchers started treating severely ill people with heart disease who were not expected to live long, and out of 100 people put on a strict Vegan diet, over 80 of them grew new, stronger veins to their hearts and their cholesterol levels went down so fast that they had to stop taking their pills. The other 20 people improved enough to be able to avoid surgery and all are still alive as of this writing. Surprisingly, their arthritis also went away and everyone lost weight even those who did not exercise. And one woman in the study who had cancerous polyps had a miraculous recovery as the cancer and the polyps disappeared.

So I am now a Mormon and a Vegan. It has nearly been a week now. I told my Bishop about it and he supported me 100%. The reason is because I'm not taking the stand that killing animals for food is a horrible thing. I am doing it because I want to do whatever I can, in a natural, God given way, to nourish my body the way it deserves to be nourished. I want to do my part to treat it like the temple that it is.

So far after less than a week, my blood sugar has gotten down to normal range for the first time in over 2 years, the arthritis in my fingers is nearly gone and I have lost 4 pounds without letting myself get the least bit hungry. Without exercise I should loose about a pound a week, but with exercise I will loose about 2 pounds a week. What a great perk!

If you want information or the books that I have read leave a comment and I'll get back to you.

Introducing a New Online LDS Store

There is a new online LDS store where you can shop for everything from books and music to food storage and emergency preparedness supplies. There are wedding dresses for plus size women, children's games and books, and even ties for your man.

With Christmas just around the corner you can get most of your shopping done in just a few minutes at The LDS Mall

So check it out today. And because inventory will be updated regularly check back often to see what's new and what's on sale.

Mitt Romney and Media Induced Missionary Moments

There seems to be a lot of media this summer regarding the LDS church and it's beliefs. Some believe that it is the liberal media's way of making sure Mitt Romney isn't the Republican choice for the Presidency. Others believe that the media is unwittingly helping his campaign and that the often one sided media is actually increasing public interest in the church.

Whatever the reason, I know that it has sparked questions from some of my friends who haven't previously been at all curious about what I believe. Suddenly people are asking me about what I think of the latest media story. Some have been enticed to participate in lengthy discussions about the gospel.

Although I have read and re-read the scriptures several times in my life, I am not a scriptorian. But I have found that when I ask God to help me answer their questions in a manner that would be pleasing to him, I am always blessed with the right words, and most importantly, the right spirit. Nervousness is excusable, contention and defensiveness is not.

These are times in which having a testimony is invaluable, and living well is the best way to show others who we are and what we stand for. Let's polish our testimonies, study the scriptures and pray that we will be a helpful tool for the Lord. That way you won't be caught totally off guard when someone asks you that golden question.

Should Dating LDS Couples Kiss?

How much physical affection is demonstrated in an intimate relationship will be, and needs to be, different for every couple. However living the gospel can be a great foundation for couples who want, and or need, to set some limits.

Here are a few thoughts about what those limits should be.

1. The age and dating experience of the individuals involved plays a huge role in determining what those limits should be. Although physical attraction is universal regardless of age, the younger and less experienced a person is the more likely they will be to allow themselves to get caught up in the physical pleasures of an intimate relationship.

This is because the newness of physical affection and the power it can have on one's ability to put the breaks on makes it very difficult to say stop. Our brains aren't fully developed until around age 23. Before then we lack the ability to make the most rational decisions regarding the consequences to our behaviors. Consequently, prior to age 23 or so, your limits should be very conservative. A kiss goodnight, at the door, after a date, may be as far as you agree to go. Anything else can easily lead to behaviors that will later be regretted.

2. Rules often seem old fashioned, but physical attraction and sexual desire have been the same since Adam and Eve. That is the way God created us so that we would be able to reproduce. And since the beginning of the human race, couples who have not set firm boundaries and limits regarding their dating behaviors have ended up paying an enormous price for indiscretion.

Any time a couple allows themselves to become intimate to the point of spending their time together experiencing the physical pleasures of intimacy they are putting themselves at risk. Even "making out" can lead to crossing boundaries that would not be crossed if a limit had been agreed upon ahead of time. You can be sexual with any one, but getting to know another person for who they really are requires spending time together doing things that allow you to experience them in non sexual ways.

So if your goal is to get a short-lived thrill that you may later regret, spend your time together exploring each other physically. But if your goal is to get to know your date, or to determine if you want to pursue a long lasting relationship, set your limits to a single but meaningful kiss at the door.

The rule of thumb is to never allow yourself to engage in an activity that you would be embarrassed for your mother to witness.

Be an Imperfect Parent

Around age 6-7 children begin to see their parents’ humanness. They begin to wonder why mom says “don’t take what doesn’t belong to you,” and then eats a grape at the grocery story while shopping. “Isn’t that stealing mom?”

We want our children to learn perfect principles and sometimes we mistakenly expect more from them than we expect from ourselves. But what should a parent do when they have done something so obviously wrong that even their little children notice?

Just as you tell your children that “honesty is the best policy,” when you do something wrong you have to be able to own up to it and come clean with your child. Admit that what you did was wrong. If the infraction was against them, apologize. If someone else was involved tell your child how you plan to make it right. And if there was no other injured party, tell your child that you know that what you did was wrong. Let them know that you make mistakes too and that you try very hard to make as few as possible.

In short, be an example. Being honest with your child about your own humanness will help them feel less troubled about their own. Showing them how you handle your mistakes shows them how to handle theirs. Yes, they will eventually figure out that you aren’t perfect but in the process they will learn valuable life lessons. And isn’t that what parenting is all about?

More parenting tips at http://www.psych-net.com

Living With Adversity Part 1

This story was originally printed in the Manchester, England, Guardian and later reprinted in the Deseret News. And eventually it was told by President Hinkley in General Conference several years ago.
A hurricane had hit the West Indies, and a bricklayer was sent to repair the damage. He wrote to the home office as follows:
"Respected Sirs:
"When I got to the building I found that the hurricane had knocked some bricks off the top. So I rigged up a beam with a pulley at the top of the building and hoisted up a couple of barrels full of bricks. When I had fixed the building, there was a lot of bricks left over. I hoisted the barrel back up again and secured the line at the bottom, and then went up and filled the barrel with the extra bricks. Then I went to the bottom and cast off the line. Unfortunately the barrel of bricks was heavier than I was, and before I knew what was happening the barrel started down, jerking me off the ground. I decided to hang on, and halfway up I met the barrel coming down and received a severe blow on the shoulder. I then continued to the top, banging my head against the beam and getting my finger jammed in the pulley. When the barrel hit the ground it bursted its bottom, allowing all the bricks to spill out. I was now heavier than the barrel and so started down again at high speed. Halfway down, I met the barrel coming up and received severe injuries to my shins. When I hit the ground I landed on the bricks, getting several painful cuts from the sharp edges. At this point I must have lost my presence of mind because I let go of the line. The barrel then came down, giving me another heavy blow on the head and putting me in hospital. I respectfully request sick leave."

Suffering comes to all of us. Sometimes it is mental. Sometimes it is physical. Sometimes it may even be spiritual.

Adversity, in one form or another, is the universal experience of mankind. It is the common lot of all men [and women] to experience misfortune, suffering, sickness, or other adversities. Often our work is arduous and unnecessarily demanding. Our faith is tried in various ways—sometimes unjustly tried. At times it seems that even God is punishing us. One of the things that makes adversity so hard to bear is that we feel as if we alone have been chosen for this affliction while others presumably escape trial and adversity.

On one occasion, in the presence of the Prophet Joseph Smith, someone commented that a person was suffering affliction because of his sins. The Prophet Joseph responded that that was an unhallowed statement to make—that afflictions come to all.
Likewise, President Harold B. Lee related the story of a seriously ill infant who had just received a blessing; a man who was present observed: "This is one of our finest and most faithful families. I don't know why they should be thus afflicted."

Some misunderstand. It does not necessarily follow that righteousness immunizes us against adversity. President Lee taught us that living the gospel of Jesus Christ is no guarantee that adversity will not come into our lives; but living the gospel does give us the strength and faith and power to rise above that adversity and look beyond the present trouble to the brighter day.

Too often we are shortsighted as we view the effects of adversity in our life. We fail to see the purifying and refining effect wrought by the flames of adversity. These flames are not meant to consume, but to purify us. Disguised as adversity, blessings are showered upon us.

Henry Ward Beecher said, "Affliction comes to us all, not to make us sad, but sober; not to make us sorry, but to make us wise; not to make us despondent, but by its darkness to refresh us as the night refreshes the day; not to impoverish, but to enrich us.

I often counsel my clients to refrain from believing that their depressive mood or their current oppressive situation will last forever. In fact it will not. The good news is that all feelings are transient and so are the trials in our life. Our work is to grow past our defeatist moods and to discover the best way to survive our most harrowing trials. In so doing we are given the opportunity to turn our weakness into our strengths; and to then help others as they are faced with their most harrowing trials.
Thomas Carlyle wrote "Out of the lowest depths, there is a path to the loftiest heights."

Lives of great people teach us that many of them rose to significant achievement because of their adversities. We may never become great in worldly terms, but we are great in our Heavenly Father’s eyes, in the eyes of our children and we have been given the opportunity to become our own greatest ally in our pursuit of eternal glory if we determine to learn from our dark moments. Our capacity to endure suffering is a spiritual attribute.

Elder A. Theodore Tuttle Of the First Council of the Seventy offered this:
“Those who have been driven to their knees in weakness, grief, and humility commune with God not in the learned cliches of prayer, but in heartfelt, soul-revealing communion. And when our Father sustains and assures a tested faith and a tested love, they learn the sweetness of adversity.”

While living the gospel will not necessarily temper the elements, it will temper you so you can endure the trials. Come with patience to your afflictions.

Sweet indeed are the uses of adversity. If we bear adversity well, we can learn the principle enunciated by Moroni: “ wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." (Eth. 12:6.)

We need to have faith that the Lord is watching over us and He will not allow us to falter as long as we lean on him.

Credits: Photo named "We Shall Overcome" is by By Noel

Who's a Member of Your Ward?

Mormons are just people, regular, human-type people. Sure, we have knowledge and opportunities that have been offered to us and we have a path to follow that not everyone understands, but other than that, we are just like anyone else.

Why do I bring this up? Because, while we have been given much, we sometimes forget that we, and the other members of our wards and stakes, are human too. So I have compiled some typical, ward statistics that I thought you might find interesting.

• One out of every 100 people in the average ward population has been diagnosed with schizophrenia.
• Ten percent of your ward population has experienced depression this year and half of them deal with a lifetime of depressive episodes. Forty-five percent of your ward members experience an episode of depression sometime before the age of 45.
• Fifteen percent of the general population has a diagnosable personality disorder.
• 0.5 – 2.5 percent of your ward population suffers with clinical paranoia.
• Two percent of your ward population has Antisocial Personality Disorder (formerly known as sociopaths)
• Two percent have incurable Borderline Personality Disorder
• One percent is diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and another 15% have significant symptoms of the disorder.
• Five percent have a schizoid or schizotypal disorder.
• Ten percent are significantly physically disabled.
• 2.6 to 3.4% are legally blind.
• 8.2% have significant hearing impairments – 0.8% have severe to profound hearing impairments.
• Three percent are mentally retarded.
• Between one and eight percent of children have specific learning disabilities.
• Between 0.5-1.5% have recurring seizures.
• Twenty-four percent have been divorced at least once.
• And 0.320% of all incarcerated people are LDS.

Let’s get about the business of loving our neighbors and spend much less time judging each other.