Should Dating LDS Couples Kiss?

How much physical affection is demonstrated in an intimate relationship will be, and needs to be, different for every couple. However living the gospel can be a great foundation for couples who want, and or need, to set some limits.

Here are a few thoughts about what those limits should be.

1. The age and dating experience of the individuals involved plays a huge role in determining what those limits should be. Although physical attraction is universal regardless of age, the younger and less experienced a person is the more likely they will be to allow themselves to get caught up in the physical pleasures of an intimate relationship.

This is because the newness of physical affection and the power it can have on one's ability to put the breaks on makes it very difficult to say stop. Our brains aren't fully developed until around age 23. Before then we lack the ability to make the most rational decisions regarding the consequences to our behaviors. Consequently, prior to age 23 or so, your limits should be very conservative. A kiss goodnight, at the door, after a date, may be as far as you agree to go. Anything else can easily lead to behaviors that will later be regretted.

2. Rules often seem old fashioned, but physical attraction and sexual desire have been the same since Adam and Eve. That is the way God created us so that we would be able to reproduce. And since the beginning of the human race, couples who have not set firm boundaries and limits regarding their dating behaviors have ended up paying an enormous price for indiscretion.

Any time a couple allows themselves to become intimate to the point of spending their time together experiencing the physical pleasures of intimacy they are putting themselves at risk. Even "making out" can lead to crossing boundaries that would not be crossed if a limit had been agreed upon ahead of time. You can be sexual with any one, but getting to know another person for who they really are requires spending time together doing things that allow you to experience them in non sexual ways.

So if your goal is to get a short-lived thrill that you may later regret, spend your time together exploring each other physically. But if your goal is to get to know your date, or to determine if you want to pursue a long lasting relationship, set your limits to a single but meaningful kiss at the door.

The rule of thumb is to never allow yourself to engage in an activity that you would be embarrassed for your mother to witness.

Be an Imperfect Parent

Around age 6-7 children begin to see their parents’ humanness. They begin to wonder why mom says “don’t take what doesn’t belong to you,” and then eats a grape at the grocery story while shopping. “Isn’t that stealing mom?”

We want our children to learn perfect principles and sometimes we mistakenly expect more from them than we expect from ourselves. But what should a parent do when they have done something so obviously wrong that even their little children notice?

Just as you tell your children that “honesty is the best policy,” when you do something wrong you have to be able to own up to it and come clean with your child. Admit that what you did was wrong. If the infraction was against them, apologize. If someone else was involved tell your child how you plan to make it right. And if there was no other injured party, tell your child that you know that what you did was wrong. Let them know that you make mistakes too and that you try very hard to make as few as possible.

In short, be an example. Being honest with your child about your own humanness will help them feel less troubled about their own. Showing them how you handle your mistakes shows them how to handle theirs. Yes, they will eventually figure out that you aren’t perfect but in the process they will learn valuable life lessons. And isn’t that what parenting is all about?

More parenting tips at http://www.psych-net.com