The Joys of Being a Different Kind of Parent

This article is from LDS Living and it was so good that i thought I'd reprise it here.

Can you imagine what the world would be like if all the mothers in the world were exactly alike in how they behaved, in their approach to motherhood, and in the strengths and talents they shared with their families? I confess I feel great relief in knowing that we can each be our own kind of mom, a complete original, unlike any other mother on the face of the planet.

My mom was certainly one-of-a-kind. Like most mothers, she sought to feed, clothe and shelter us well and to educate and raise us to be responsible adults. But, one of the things that set her apart in my mind from all the other mothers I knew was her talent for sewing and clothing design. She didn’t make herself do these things. She loved doing them and so wove them quite naturally into the fabric of motherhood and family life. She always had a project in progress—whether it was Easter dresses or play clothes for my three sisters and me. I never had to worry about wearing the same outfit as another little girl because my mom’s creations were each completely unique and made with just me in mind.

Because my mother loved sewing so well, the significant moments in my life, especially in my childhood, can be reconstructed, to a great extent, with the dresses she has made for me over the years—the powder blue Easter dresses for starters (powder blue, she felt certain, was my color) but also the royal blue, Swiss-dot gown trimmed in cream I wore to my first holiday ball, the pearly mauve southern belle dress she custom-designed for my senior prom and, of course, the simple but exquisitely bustled white cotton wedding dress she created when my husband and I married.

When I think of all the beautiful clothes my mother created for my sisters and me, I feel the tiniest twinge of regret that I haven’t spent more time sewing for my own children. My mother taught me to sew and encouraged me to sew and while I enjoyed sewing as a teen and felt very satisfied with some of the outfits I made, sewing hasn’t been one of my top priorities in my adult years.

As a woman and a mother, I find myself drawn most powerfully to a love of language and of reading and writing and sharing these loves with my children. I am definitely in sync with the school of thought that bemoans the state of “so many books, and so little time.” Even so, I try to make the most of the time I have with my kids and the books I love. I find great delight in rediscovering and sharing with my children some of the books I enjoyed as a child; among them—Go Dog, Go by P.D. Eastman and William Steig’s Sylvester and the Magic Pebble, as well as chapter books like The Twenty-One Balloons by Pene William du Bois and The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. And my children and I have enjoyed discovering some new and wonderful books together. We have become especially fond of Snuggle Puppy by Sandra Boynton and Walter: The Story of a Rat by Barbara Wersba

Just as a good portion of my childhood can be reconstructed by looking back at the dresses my mother made for me, my children’s childhoods are, in large part, being constructed with the books we read and love together. Inspired by the stories we’ve shared my children have, in their own imaginative play, lived as boxcar children, explored their own secret gardens and “survived” the Dustbowl of the 1930’s.

Given the beautiful clothes my mom has made (for her children and grandchildren) and the love of literature I have shared in my home, I think my children realize that it is not only possible, but preferable, that a mother pursue a great love—whether that love be sewing or reading and writing or sports or something else—while raising children she loves. If we as mothers do something we absolutely love with and alongside raising children we absolutely love, we will, I believe, almost guarantee our children being raised in an atmosphere steeped in joy.

As I write this, it is clear to me that our children need not share our exact same interests to the extent we feel them, but that by seeing us pursue and develop our particular loves and talents, they will receive the permission they need to discover and nurture their own great loves and talents too.

My mother loved sewing and her dresses were, for me, the intersection of her love for creating something beautiful and her love for me. I love the written word—reading it and writing it—and the books in our home and the stories I’ve shared with my children are, for me, the intersection of my love for the written word and my love for them.

As I think about this, I cannot help but contemplate what intersections of love might occur in my children’s lives when they someday become parents themselves. My oldest daughter, now seventeen years old and four years older than my next child, is very likely to be the first of my children to have children of her own.

To a great extent she shares my love of story and my mother’s love of creating with one’s hands (she draws and paints beautifully). In particular, she loves to write and illustrate children’s picture books. But, when I think of this daughter and think of what she might someday be like as mother, I think the thing that will set her apart, the thing that will, I’m sure, make her a mother like no other, is her love of fun and her penchant for being a ham. She’s long possessed the gift of an almost unbounded sense of humor. Unlike me, nothing embarrasses her. She’s prone to impromptu slap-stick comedy routines that leave the rest of us bellyaching with laughter. I’ve told her more than once that she’s part Lucille Ball and part Carol Burnett with a sprinkling of Drew Barrymore thrown in. And while she may, in some respects, remind me of these three women, she leaves me with no doubts but that she is very much her own woman, and will, most assuredly, be her own kind of mom. It is clear to me even now, that there will be no shortage of fun, love, and laughter in her home.

This same daughter, when she was about 8-years-old, wrote a picture book for me called MOMS. She illustrated it in her vibrant and boldly-colored signature style, filling it with pictures of moms in all sizes, shapes, colors and styles. Her short but sweet story reads, “Some moms are big; some moms are small. Some moms are short; some moms are tall. Some moms are cool; some moms are quiet (a picture of a rather bookish-looking mom here). Some moms are black, some moms are white but my mom is just right (meaning, of course, just right for me).”
All these years later, my daughter’s story reminds me that we moms need not be exactly alike, that each mother can have her special way of being in the world, of being with their children. And, if we will act on these truths, we can give ourselves the permission we need to use our unique gifts and talents to be our own kind of moms, the kind of moms who are themselves, and in being themselves, just right for the children in their care.

On Death, Fear and the Las

I was reading Isaiah chapter 24 last week and after discussing it with my seminary students I realized that the topic of death is still a frightening one for many.

In Isaiah ch. 24 the prophet talks about his visions of the last days and the calamity that will befall the earth and it's inhabitants. We know that we are now in what some call the End Times, or the Last Days. We know that earth needs to be completely cleansed in preparation for the second coming of Jesus Christ. And we know that the majority of ancient and modern prophesy has been fulfilled.

For instance it is evident that verses 5-6 in Isaiah ch. 24 has been and is being fulfilled. It reads, "The earth also is defiled under the inhabitants thereof... the curse devoured the earth." We know that we have not been good stewards of the earth, and it's resources are being depleted.

In verse 7 we learn that there will be food shortages as Isaiah prophesied, "the vine languisheth." And we will become lean from starvation as a result, as stated in Vs 16. "My leanness, my leanness, woe unto me!"

But it is the yet unfulfilled prophesies that frighten us, such as the first verse in ch. 24 which says: "Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty, and maketh it waste, and turneth it upside down, and scattereth abroad the inhabitants thereof." And later in ch 20-21 he expounds saying, "The earth shall reel to and fro like a drunkard... and it shall fall, and not rise again. And it shall come to pass in that day, that the LORD shall punish the host of the high ones that are on high, and the kings of the earth upon the earth."

The destruction will be so devastating that those who survive will be emotionally and perhaps physically traumatized as is expressed in vs 7, 11 and 12 "the merryhearted do sigh... all joy is darkened, the mirth of the land is gone. In the city is left desolation."

In previous chapters of Isaiah we learned that the LORD had given the people of the earth much wisdom including the Book of Mormon and still the hard-hearted turned a blind eye. But now, after loosing everything, the hard-hearted are finally calling upon the LORD - isn't that just typical? Vs 14 reads, "They shall lift up their voice, they shall sing for the majesty of the LORD. And the Lords answer is this, that those who give into their fears will be swallowed up but those who praise the Lord and live faithfully, ignoring their fears, will be gathered up and blessed by the Lord (vs 11-23).

So it is made clear that regardless of all the frightening things that will happen to us the righteous will be those who do not run from their fear. He tells us "Wherefore glorify ye the LORD in the fires." In other words we need to have faith that even if we or our loved ones parish in the calamity we need to keep our eye on the prize (the Celestial Kingdom) and remember to glorify God, even while in the midst of consuming fire.

How can this be? Why are we required to praise God even when He is allowing so much pain and suffering? The answer is easy, because we need to remember that this estate, this mortal life is only a temporary, minuscule part of our eternal existence. Death is not something to fear - unless we are unrighteous. Death, whether our own or that of a child is only a mode of transformation from one dimension to the next. Those who are left behind will mourn, but they need not loose faith or become consumed by fear. Doing so will only decrease their faith.

Isaiah tell us that those who give their fear power, instead of exercising their faith, will become environmentally paranoid (afraid that bad things will happen if you engage in rational activities), fear based, and even agoraphobic (so paralyzed by fear that you will not leave your home). In vs. 10 the ancient prophet attempts to describe the mental breakdown of the unfaithful in this way, "The city (people of the world) of confusion (fear) is broken down: every house is shut up, that no man may come in." For not understanding mental illness, that is a pretty accurate description of what can happen to someone who has given fear power over their faith in the Lord.

Having faith in the Lord makes you courageous. It helps you to live fully, accepting that He will take care of you and your loved ones. Living according to faith is righteousness and giving your fear power over your life is the behavior of the wicked.

Isaiah continues to drive the point by adding in vs. 17-18 "Fear, and the pit, and the snare, are upon thee... he who fleeth from the noise of the fear shall fall into the pit. In other words, the destruction, earth changes, wars, and other calamities, etc. will be noisy and frightening, the Lord understands that. He is also telling us that in spite of our desire to run - we need to make faith based, prayerful, decisions lest we fall into a spiritual pit. Instead we must be ever open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and make decisions accordingly.

The unrighteous - those who live according to their fear will remain in prison for a long time as is stated in Isaiah 22 - "And they shall be gathered together, as prisoners are gathered in the pit ), ... and after many days shall they be visited."

In the end, it mater's not that we avoid death or pain. The only thing that matters is that we live righteously enough to be able to rejoice with the Lord at His second coming. Isaiah concludes in vs. 23 saying, "the LORD of hosts shall reign in mount Zion, and in Jerusalem, and before his ancients gloriously." The Millennium will be ushered in and all the righteous will be made whole.

Embrace your faith and allow it to relieve your fears.

Dealing with Holiday Stress

How Stressed are You Really? Stress is an unavoidable result of living. It is a necessary part of growing, learning, and relating to others. However, too much stress (distress) can cause serious consequences in one’s physical and mental health. Recent scientific research has found that people in the 1990s experience 45% more stress than what was reported by people in the 1965 (Miller and Rahe, 1997). If you are interested in comparing the stress in your life this research, take the Personal Stress Indicator by clicking below: The point calculator for my tests is out of commission so add up your score and click the answer link at the bottom of the test page. Effects of Stress Stress Indicator Quiz Articles on Stress Stress Reduction Dealing With Holiday Stress

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