Helping Children Gain a Testimony of Christ

A few weeks ago we had a fifth week, combined Sunday School class, taught by our Bishop. He wanted to talk to the parents about helping our children to remain active in the church once they were of age to choose for themselves. He said something that has stuck with me and has given me much pause for thought. He said, "The #1 most important thing we can do as parents is to help our children come to know the Lord as their own personal Savior."

He continued to explain that children, little children, who have this testimony by the age of eight or nine are far more likely to remain faithful throughout their life than those who do not gain that personal testimony. So I guess the question is, How can we do that?

Studies have shown that a child's perception of God is based on their relationship with their mortal father. If we were abandoned by our father we may consider God to be someone who is out there, but who doesn't know us or love us. If we were treated harshly by our father we may grow to believe that God is an angry being who will punish us for being imperfect. On the other hand, if our earthly father is a patient, loving, forgiving man filled with wisdom and a good sense of humor, we are likely to think of God similarly.

The first step in helping our children realize that Jesus Christ is their personal savior is to help them feel that having a relationship with the savior is a desirable thing. Why would they want to have a relationship with a being who is angry, harsh and unforgiving? They wouldn't.

The next step, in my humble opinion, is for the parent to share their testimony with their children and to do it often. Children learn their most intense lessons from their parents. Yes we teach them by our example, by attending church, studying the scriptures and having family prayer, but when we make it a practice to share our testimony with our family members on a regular basis we create opportunities for them to feel the Holy Spirit as they listen to our heartfelt words. As you find teaching moments each day, use them as an avenue to look your child in the eye and lovingly testify of Christ. Your words will reach into their soul and plant seeds of faith upon which they can nurture their own personal testimony.

The third and final step I will mention here is the importance of studying the scriptures with your children. Reading the scriptures together is wonderful, but studying them together will enable your children to come to understand and love them. Most children by the age of 6 can read well enough to participate in daily scripture reading, perhaps they will read only one verse a day for a while and that is okay. Use that single verse to open up a dialogue. Ask your child what they think the verse is saying, tell them a story that relates to the verse, make it an intriguing, memorable experience; something that they will ponder throughout the day.

In the world our children are growing up in, it is paramount that they are armed with their own personal testimonies as early as possible. Help them develop a desire to know Jesus Christ.

See Thou Tell No Man

"See thou tell no man"
Matthew 6:1

When you do a good deed do you later find yourself tooting your own horn to friends and family? Do you pride yourself on your willingness to be charitable, compassionate and altruistic?

Learning humility can be a complicated and lifelong task. Be as we have been told time and time again, it is impossible to get into the Kingdom of God without it.

People who fear that others will notice their weakness or imperfections will involve themselves in acts of kindness that appear, on the surface, to be Christ like charity. But they do so for the wrong reason. Perhaps unwittingly, they seek the approval of others and so they create scenarios in their life that casts them in a good light. They want the world to notice their good works so their flaws will go unnoticed.

The problem is that the Lord has told us that without humility our acts of kindness hold little value. Like the Pharisees who meticulously lived the Law of Moses in order to be seen as righteous in the eyes of the public, bragging about our good deeds comes from a place of insecurity and pride. We feel so good about ourselves that humility flies out the window.

Christ-like charity isn’t about us. It is about serving the Lord by serving others. Our needs for accolades and praise need to be left behind as we give of ourselves solely for the purpose of helping another.

It can be a fine line to follow, wanting to tell people how charitable we have been and needing to remain anonymous, but if we are to set our sights on righteous living, we need to find other ways to fill our emotional needs and allow our charity to be Christ like.

A CHRISTMAS TO REMEMBER

Pa never had much compassion for the lazy or those who squandered their means and then never had enough for the necessities. But for those who were genuinely in need, his heart was as big as all outdoors. It was from him that I learned the greatest joy in life comes from giving, not from receiving. It was Christmas Eve 1881. I was fifteen years old and feeling like the world had caved in on me because there just hadn't been enough money to buy me the rifle that I'd wanted for Christmas. We did the chores early that night for some reason. I just figured Pa wanted a little extra time so we could read in the Bible.

After supper was over I took my boots off and stretched out in front of the fireplace and waited for Pa to get down the old Bible. I was still feeling sorry for myself and, to be honest, I wasn't in much of a mood to read Scriptures. But Pa didn't get the Bible; instead he bundled up again and went outside. I couldn't figure it out because we had already done all the chores. I didn't worry about it long though; I was too busy wallowing in self-pity.

Soon Pa came back in. It was a cold clear night out and there was ice in his beard. "Come on, Matt," he said. "Bundle up good, it's cold out tonight." I was really upset then. Not only wasn't I getting the rifle for Christmas, now Pa was dragging me out in the cold, and for no earthly
reason that I could see. We'd already done all the chores, and I couldn't think of anything else that needed doing, especially not on a night like this.

But I knew Pa was not very patient at one dragging one's feet when he'd told them to do something, so I got up and put my boots back on and got my cap, coat, and mittens. Ma gave me a mysterious smile as I opened the door to leave the house. Something was up, but I didn't know what. Outside, I became even more dismayed. There in front of the house was the work team, already hitched to the big sled. Whatever it was we were going to do wasn't going to be a short, quick, little job. I could tell. We never hitched up this sled unless we were going to haul a big load.

Pa was already up on the seat, reins in hand. I reluctantly climbed up beside him. The cold was already biting at me. I wasn't happy. When I was on, Pa pulled the sled around the house and stopped in front of the woodshed. He got off and I followed. "I think we'll put on the high
sideboards," he said. "Here, help me." The high sideboards! It had been a bigger job than I wanted to do with just the low sideboards on, but whatever it was we were going to do would be a lot bigger with the high sideboards on.

After we had exchanged the sideboards, Pa went into the woodshed and came out with an armload of wood---the wood I'd spent all summer hauling down from the mountain, and then all Fall sawing into blocks and splitting What was he doing? Finally I said something. "Pa," I asked, "what are you doing?" You been by the Widow Jensen's lately?" he asked. The Widow Jensen
lived about two miles down the road. Her husband had died a year or so before and left her with three children, the oldest being eight. Sure, I'd been by, but so what? "Yeah," I said, "Why?" "I rode by just today," Pa said. "Little Jakey was out digging around in the woodpile trying to find
a few chips. They're out of wood, Matt."

That was all he said and then he turned and went back into the woodshed for another armload of wood. I followed him. We loaded the sled so high that I began to wonder if the horses would be able to pull it. Finally, Pa called a halt to our loading, then we went to the smoke house and Pa took down a big ham and a side of bacon. He handed them to me and told me to put them in the sled and wait.

When he returned he was carrying a sack of flour over his right shoulder and a smaller sack of something in his left hand. "What's in the little sack?" I asked. "Shoes. They're out of shoes. Little Jakey just had gunnysacks wrapped around his feet when he was out in the woodpile this
morning. I got the children a little candy too. It just wouldn't be Christmas without a little candy."

We rode the two miles to Widow Jensen's pretty much in silence. I tried to think through what Pa was doing. We didn't have much by worldly standards. Of course, we did have a big woodpile, though most of what was left now was still in the form of logs that I would have to saw into blocks and split before we could use it. We also had meat and flour, so we could
spare that, but I knew we didn't have any money, so why was Pa buying them shoes and candy?

Really, why was he doing any of this? Widow Jensen had closer neighbors than us; it shouldn't have been our concern. We came in from the blind side of the Jensen house and unloaded the wood as quietly as possible, and then we took the meat and flour and shoes to the door. We knocked. The door opened a crack and a timid voice said, "Who is it?" "Lucas Miles,
Ma'am, and my son, Matt. Could we come in for a bit?"

Widow Jensen opened the door and let us in. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The children were wrapped in another and were sitting in front of the fireplace by a very small fire that hardly gave off any heat at all. Widow Jensen fumbled with a match and finally lit the lamp. "We brought you a few things, Ma'am," Pa said and set down the sack
of flour. I put the meat on the table. Then Pa handed her the sack that had the shoes in it.

She opened it hesitantly and took the shoes out one pair at a time. There was a pair for her and one for each of the children---sturdy shoes, the best, shoes that would last. I watched her carefully. She bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling and then tears filled her eyes and started
running down her cheeks. She looked up at Pa like she wanted to say something, but it wouldn't come out. "We brought a load of wood too, Ma'am," Pa said. He turned to me and said, "Matt, go bring in enough to last awhile. Let's get that fire up to size and heat this place up." I wasn't the same person when I went back out to bring in the wood. I had a big lump in my throat and as much as I hate to admit it, there were tears in my eyes too.

In my mind I kept seeing those three kids huddled around the fireplace and their mother standing there with tears running down her cheeks with so much gratitude in her heart that she couldn't speak. My heart swelled within me and a joy that I'd never known before, filled my soul. I had given at Christmas many times before, but never when it had made so much
difference. I could see we were literally saving the lives of these people.

I soon had the fire blazing and everyone's spirits soared. The kids started giggling when Pa handed them each a piece of candy and Widow Jensen looked on with a smile that probably hadn't crossed her face for a long time. She finally turned to us. "God bless you," she said. "I know the Lord has sent you. The children and I have been praying that he would
send one of his angels to spare us." In spite of myself, the lump returned to my throat and the tears welled up in my eyes again. I'd never thought of Pa in those exact terms before, but
after Widow Jensen mentioned it I could see that it was probably true. I was sure that a better man than Pa had never walked the earth. I started remembering all the times he had gone out of his way for Ma and me, and many others. The list seemed endless as I thought on it.

Pa insisted that everyone try on the shoes before we left. I was amazed when they all fit and I wondered how he had known what sizes to get. Then I guessed that if he was on an errand for the Lord that the Lord would make sure he got the right sizes. Tears were running down Widow Jensen's face again when we stood up to leave. Pa took each of the kids in his big arms and gave them a hug. They clung to him and didn't want us to go. I could see that they missed their
Pa, and I was glad that I still had mine.

At the door Pa turned to Widow Jensen and said, "The Mrs. wanted me to invite you and the children over for Christmas dinner tomorrow. The turkey will be more than the three of us can eat, and a man can get cantankerous if he has to eat turkey for too many meals. We'll be by to get you about eleven. It'll be nice to have some little ones around again. Matt, here, hasn't been little for quite a spell." I was the youngest. My two brothers and two sisters had all married and had moved away. Widow Jensen nodded and said, "Thank you, Brother Miles. I don't have to say, "'May the Lord bless you,' I know for certain that He will."

Out on the sled I felt a warmth that came from deep within and I didn't even notice the cold. When we had gone a ways, Pa turned to me and said, "Matt, I want you to know something. Your ma and me have been tucking a little money away here and there all year so we could buy that rifle for you, but we didn't have quite enough. Then yesterday a man who owed me a little money from years back came by to make things square. Your ma and me were real excited, thinking that now we could get you that rifle, and I started into town this morning to do just
that. But on the way I saw little Jakey out scratching in the woodpile with his feet wrapped in those gunnysacks and I knew what I had to do. Son, I spent the money for shoes and a little candy for those children. I hope you understand"

I understood, and my eyes became wet with tears again. I understood very well, and I was so glad Pa had done it. Now the rifle seemed very low on my list of priorities. Pa had given me a lot more. He had given me the look on Widow Jensen's face and the radiant smiles of her three children. For the rest of my life, whenever I saw any of the Jensens, or split a block of wood, I remembered, and remembering brought back that same joy I felt riding home beside Pa that night. Pa had given me much more than a rifle that night; he had given me the best Christmas of my life.

Gays, Marriage, Prop 8 and Tolerance

Article from the Sacramento Bee in Sacramento, Calif. -- The following statement was released today by Bishop William Weigand, head of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Sacramento and former Bishop of Salt Lake City, in response to attacks on the Mormon Church for supporting California's Proposition 8, defending the traditional definition of marriage:

"Catholics stand in solidarity with our Mormon brothers and sisters in support of traditional marriage -- the union of one man and one woman.

"The ProtectMarriage coalition, which led the successful campaign to pass Proposition 8, was an historic alliance of people from every faith and ethnicity. LDS were included -- but so were Catholics and Jews, Evangelicals and Orthodox, African-Americans and Latinos, Asians and Anglos.

"Bigoted attacks on Mormons for the part they played in our coalition are shameful and ignore the reality that Mormon voters were only a small part of the groundswell that supported Proposition 8.

"I personally decry the bigotry recently exhibited towards the members of the Church of the Latter Day Saints -- coming from the opponents of Proposition 8, who ironically, have called those of us supporting traditional marriage intolerant.

"I call upon the supporters of same-sex marriage to live by their own words -- and to refrain from discrimination against religion and to exercise tolerance for those who differ from them. I call upon them to accept the will of the people of California in the passage of Proposition 8."

_____________________________________________________________________

Well said Bishop Weigand.

How is it that so often those who become enraged at others for not "tolerating" their opinions are hypocrites who refuse to tolerate anyone who doesn't agree with them? Tolerance is tolerance. It does not apply only to those who think they are right.

And then, you have to ask why - once again - the church is being singled out when most Christian churches were actively involved in the passing of Proposition 8? Of course we know the answer.

The adversary wants to keep God's children from knowing and understanding the gospel. That is why a criminals' religious ties are only mentioned in the media when the LDS church is involved, and why an upstanding citizen like Mitt Romney is ridiculed and denigrated for his religious beliefs but Obama, with his highly suspect religious history, is elected to the presidency.

It seems that the prophesy about the last days that says that good will become evil and evil will become good, has been fulfilled. These are the days when we are ridiculed for having moral values, when chastity is seen as weird and all manner of sexually perverse activities are purported as natural.

Shoud We Support Obama?

Abraham Lincoln once observed: “Bad laws, if they exist, should be repealed as soon as possible; still, while they continue in force, they should be religiously observed.”

Christ gave us the great example of a law-abiding citizen when the Pharisees, trying to entangle him - as the scriptures say - asked him if it were lawful to give tribute money unto Caesar. Jesus asked whose inscription was on the tribute money, and the Pharisees noted that it was Caesars' image on the coin. Then Jesus said:

“Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s.” (Matt. 22:21.)

in Conference Oct. 1987 Elder L. Tom Perry said: “All members of the Church should be committed to obeying and honoring the laws of the land in which they live. We should be exemplary in our obedience to the governments that govern us.

and Elder James E. Talmage explained: “It is the duty of the
saints to submit themselves to the laws of their country. Nevertheless, they should use every proper method, as citizens or subjects, to secure for themselves and for all men the boon of freedom in religious service. It is not required of them to suffer without protest the operation of unjust laws; but their protests should be offered in legal and proper order”

Protesting particular laws should be done within the laws governing protest. Resorting to violence or any behavior that is immoral or outside the law is offensive to the Lord.

So even though many of us may have difficulty giving our allegiance to Obama our soon-to-be Commander and Chief, we need to remember that as members of the church we are bound to follow the laws of the land as stated in the 12th Article of Faith. However if we believe that a political leader is attempting to take away our freedoms or abuse his/her power to oppress us we should do what we can, within the law, to change things.

The government is supposed to work for us, not be our nurse maid. We need to be an independent people, capable of providing for ourselves, and able to detect immoral and ungodly governmental constraints instead of blindly or ignorantly following narcissistic, power hungry leaders.

The LDS People's Obligation to Vote

Freedom is liberty; it is not being under someone else's control. It is having the right, and the responsibility, to take a stand on issues that affect our nation. There is no greater way to exercise our freedom, to ensure that freedom, than to vote. Nevertheless, many Americans do not take that freedom seriously.

According to an article entitled, "Students Should take Advantage of Right to Vote in November," written by John Huffman, it is estimated that only 36 percent of eligible students aged 18 to 26 voted in the 2000 Presidential election.

It is the responsibility of members of the church to teach their children the importance of understanding their role in choosing their leaders, laws and taxable obligations. Of course the best way to get this lesson across is to be a proactive role model. Talk about laws and elections at the dinner table. Let them know how you felt about your choices on voting day.

Many people, yes, even members of the church, skirt their obligation to vote. They use a variety of excuses to rationalize why they don’t vote. Some say it is because courts select jurors from registered voters, and they don’t want to serve on jury duty. Some say that they are too busy to vote. Still others say they don’t vote because one vote won’t matter at all. There are also those Americans who do not vote, because they simply are not concerned about doing so. I say, if you don’t take part in the choice, you have no right to complain about the outcome.

Our beliefs regarding earthly governments and laws are summarized in section 134 of the Doctrine and Covenants

D&C 134: 1-2, 5
1 We believe that governments were instituted of God for the benefit of man; and that he holds men accountable for their acts in relation to them, both in making laws and administering them, for the good and safety of society.

In other words we are going to be held responsible for the making of the laws. we need to know what the ramification of a law will be before we decide whether or not we support it.

2 We believe that no government can exist in peace, except such laws are framed and held inviolate as will secure to each individual the free exercise of conscience, the right and control of property, and the protection of life.

We need to ask ourselves “Does our preferred candidate support life? Do they Support our right to control our own property?”

5 We believe that all men are bound to sustain and uphold the respective governments in which they reside, while protected in their inherent and inalienable rights by the laws … and that all governments have a right to enact such laws as in their own judgments are best calculated to secure the public interest.

President Ezra Taft Benson wrote:
Unfortunately, we as a nation have apostatized in various degrees from different Constitutional principles as proclaimed by the inspired founders. We are fast approaching that moment prophesied by Joseph Smith when he said: “Even this nation will be on the very verge of crumbling to pieces and tumbling to the ground, and when the Constitution is upon the brink of ruin, this people will be the staff upon which the nation shall lean, and they shall bear the Constitution away from the very verge of destruction”

On voting day it is up to us to do our part to ensure righteous laws and leaders who have morals and ethics most in line with those of the gospel.

New Video on The Bread of Life

What is meant by the bread of life?

For those who were fed on the Mount of Olives it may have meant merely being satiated by the abundance of bread and fish that was miraculously supplied by the Savior. For others however it means understanding that Jesus was and is the Christ - the Son of God, the Messiah promised by the prophets of old.

Many understood that it was through Him that we could be nourished by the fullness of the gospel. To the fishermen on the shore Christ explained that they had not fully understood His divine mission. He explained that it would be his flesh (represented by the bread) that would be sacrificed for their sins and that through him they would be offered eternal exaltation.

This video makes this lesson clear.

Abuse, Domestic Violence and LDS Families, Part 1

Does domestic violence occur among members of the church? Unfortunately, the answer is yes. Like any other group of people we are human and humans sin. In The Proclamation on the Family there is a paragraph condemning abuse. That alone signifies that domestic violence and child abuse does at times occur in LDS homes. Sometimes abuse comes in the form of one spouse denigrating the other for being overweight, not keeping the house clean enough or belittling the other for not having as much education as the abuser. In my profession I have seen all forms of abuse in LDS and non LDS homes.

Granted this is not a topic that we like to discuss, but it is one that must be addressed. In Alma, 37:29 When Alma is counseling his son Helaman, we are taught that secrets are sin and that speaking openly about abuse and sin is God's law. It reads, "their wickedness and their murders and their abominations shall ye make known unto them; and ye shall teach them to abhor such wickedness and abominations and murders; and ye shall also teach them that these people were destroyed on account of their wickedness and abominations and their murders. Keeping abuse a secret only serves to perpetuate it.

I once had a young couple come to me a week after their wedding. They were from differing cultures, He was from California and she was from a culture in which arranged marriages were common. Prior to marrying they had no intimate contact as was custom in her culture. However on their honeymoon the young groom expected much more intimacy than she had imagined. By the time they returned home they were sleeping in separate rooms. She had expected that intimacy would evolve over time, and he had expected that the wedding night would fulfill his dreams.

The problem was communication, or lack of it. Neither was comfortable talking about sex with the other and consequently neither realized the other's expectations regarding their honeymoon. When the frustrated husband tried to force the issue of sex the young bride became terrified and asked for a divorce.

Although all newly married couples have to go through a phase of learning about each other, sexual preferences and expectations are often left on the shelf because one or both partners are uncomfortable with the subject. In such cases unhappiness to some degree, is the result, in extreme cases, abuse can result.

In 2002 Utah reported 67 domestic violence murders. Of course not all of those were in LDS homes, but it would be naive to believe that none of them were. In fact one of my clients was a family member of one of the LDS victims from that year. Statistics show that those married in the temple have fewer incidence of domestic violence than civilly married people. However a temple marriage does not guarantee that abuse won't occur at some point.

Although both husbands and wives can be abusers, we generally hear about abusive husbands. That is because men are more often physically violent which is against the law. Women are more often verbally abusive which goes unreported. Both types of abuse are are sin. And both types of abuse can tear apart a family.

Some other forms of abuse recognized by the church are:

Any form of hitting
any unwanted touch
caustic criticism
nagging
belittling
sarcasm
Yelling
name calling
threatening
using profanity
unfaithfulness
lying
restricting finances
making fun of the other
spiritual intimidation
controlling
unrighteous dominion - using the priesthood as a means to control

In the doctrine and Covenants we are taught that using status or position to control others is a sin. D&C 121:37 reads, "but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.

The words "control, compulsion" and "dominion" in this scripture clearly refer to what we now know as abuse.

Some people clearly realize that they are an abuser, yet they don't care enough about their relationship to change their ways. Others are ignorantly mirroring their abusive upbringing. How does one come to understand whether or not they are being abusive in their relationships? First, you need to be willing to be honest with yourself. Start by asking yourself these questions:

Do I call my spouse names to belittle or shame them?
Do I believe that I "can't help" loosing my temper, and I lose it frequently?
Are my expectations for my spouse unrealistic?
Would my spouse say that my expectations are unrealistic?
For instance do I expect that my husband make plenty of money and keep up on home repairs and the garden and discipline the children appropriately and conduct FHE, family prayers etc.?
Do I allow my spouse to have privacy or do I check up on him/her frequently?
Do I discount my spouses abilities?
Do I insist that family members obey me because I have the priesthood?
Have I used emotional blackmail, emotional threats?
Do I allow other things like work, church callings, expectations of others to come before my spouse's needs?
Do I engage in sexual abuse or force?
Do I get physical with my spouse?
Do I control all the money?
Is my spouse helpless without me?
Do I insist on being the main source of inspiration for family members rather than let them rely on the spirit for their guidance?
Do I insist on making all the decisions for the family?

Getting someone to admit that they are abusing another is very difficult. Abusers are more often than not immature, selfish and insecure, traits that no one wants to admit to.

Those who have suffered abuse from a loved one often are damaged spiritually as well as physically and emotionally. A woman abused or betrayed by her husband may loose faith in the priesthood and even God. Her testimony may fade as she prays for relief but feels her prayers are not being answered. She may not feel trust enough in priesthood leaders to seek the guidance of her Bishop or home teachers.

Priesthood holders may believe that they have the power to move mountains, but the greater power they have is to effect the lives of those who love them, for good or for evil.

Let me make one thing clear; no one deserves to be abused, to any degree, by anyone, for any reason. All abuse is a reflection of the mentality of the abuser, not of the abused. Likewise God will not stop the hand of an abuser. He has granted each of us our agency; whether we use it for good or for evil is up to each individual.

The lives of those who have been abused will forever be altered, however that does not mean that they must remain damaged. Elder Richard G. Scott said "Know that the wicked choice of others cannot completely destroy your agency unless you permit it... you are free to determine to overcome the harmful effects of abuse." The abused will never be seen as the sinner in the eyes of God. He knows the heart of the abuser and blames not the heart of the abused.

For more in-depth information regarding abuse and domestic violence visit Psych-Net Mental Health at http://www.psych-net.com/abuse.html

Part 2 - dealing with abuse, will be posted in the near future.

The Joys of Being a Different Kind of Parent

This article is from LDS Living and it was so good that i thought I'd reprise it here.

Can you imagine what the world would be like if all the mothers in the world were exactly alike in how they behaved, in their approach to motherhood, and in the strengths and talents they shared with their families? I confess I feel great relief in knowing that we can each be our own kind of mom, a complete original, unlike any other mother on the face of the planet.

My mom was certainly one-of-a-kind. Like most mothers, she sought to feed, clothe and shelter us well and to educate and raise us to be responsible adults. But, one of the things that set her apart in my mind from all the other mothers I knew was her talent for sewing and clothing design. She didn’t make herself do these things. She loved doing them and so wove them quite naturally into the fabric of motherhood and family life. She always had a project in progress—whether it was Easter dresses or play clothes for my three sisters and me. I never had to worry about wearing the same outfit as another little girl because my mom’s creations were each completely unique and made with just me in mind.

Because my mother loved sewing so well, the significant moments in my life, especially in my childhood, can be reconstructed, to a great extent, with the dresses she has made for me over the years—the powder blue Easter dresses for starters (powder blue, she felt certain, was my color) but also the royal blue, Swiss-dot gown trimmed in cream I wore to my first holiday ball, the pearly mauve southern belle dress she custom-designed for my senior prom and, of course, the simple but exquisitely bustled white cotton wedding dress she created when my husband and I married.

When I think of all the beautiful clothes my mother created for my sisters and me, I feel the tiniest twinge of regret that I haven’t spent more time sewing for my own children. My mother taught me to sew and encouraged me to sew and while I enjoyed sewing as a teen and felt very satisfied with some of the outfits I made, sewing hasn’t been one of my top priorities in my adult years.

As a woman and a mother, I find myself drawn most powerfully to a love of language and of reading and writing and sharing these loves with my children. I am definitely in sync with the school of thought that bemoans the state of “so many books, and so little time.” Even so, I try to make the most of the time I have with my kids and the books I love. I find great delight in rediscovering and sharing with my children some of the books I enjoyed as a child; among them—Go Dog, Go by P.D. Eastman and William Steig’s Sylvester and the Magic Pebble, as well as chapter books like The Twenty-One Balloons by Pene William du Bois and The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. And my children and I have enjoyed discovering some new and wonderful books together. We have become especially fond of Snuggle Puppy by Sandra Boynton and Walter: The Story of a Rat by Barbara Wersba

Just as a good portion of my childhood can be reconstructed by looking back at the dresses my mother made for me, my children’s childhoods are, in large part, being constructed with the books we read and love together. Inspired by the stories we’ve shared my children have, in their own imaginative play, lived as boxcar children, explored their own secret gardens and “survived” the Dustbowl of the 1930’s.

Given the beautiful clothes my mom has made (for her children and grandchildren) and the love of literature I have shared in my home, I think my children realize that it is not only possible, but preferable, that a mother pursue a great love—whether that love be sewing or reading and writing or sports or something else—while raising children she loves. If we as mothers do something we absolutely love with and alongside raising children we absolutely love, we will, I believe, almost guarantee our children being raised in an atmosphere steeped in joy.

As I write this, it is clear to me that our children need not share our exact same interests to the extent we feel them, but that by seeing us pursue and develop our particular loves and talents, they will receive the permission they need to discover and nurture their own great loves and talents too.

My mother loved sewing and her dresses were, for me, the intersection of her love for creating something beautiful and her love for me. I love the written word—reading it and writing it—and the books in our home and the stories I’ve shared with my children are, for me, the intersection of my love for the written word and my love for them.

As I think about this, I cannot help but contemplate what intersections of love might occur in my children’s lives when they someday become parents themselves. My oldest daughter, now seventeen years old and four years older than my next child, is very likely to be the first of my children to have children of her own.

To a great extent she shares my love of story and my mother’s love of creating with one’s hands (she draws and paints beautifully). In particular, she loves to write and illustrate children’s picture books. But, when I think of this daughter and think of what she might someday be like as mother, I think the thing that will set her apart, the thing that will, I’m sure, make her a mother like no other, is her love of fun and her penchant for being a ham. She’s long possessed the gift of an almost unbounded sense of humor. Unlike me, nothing embarrasses her. She’s prone to impromptu slap-stick comedy routines that leave the rest of us bellyaching with laughter. I’ve told her more than once that she’s part Lucille Ball and part Carol Burnett with a sprinkling of Drew Barrymore thrown in. And while she may, in some respects, remind me of these three women, she leaves me with no doubts but that she is very much her own woman, and will, most assuredly, be her own kind of mom. It is clear to me even now, that there will be no shortage of fun, love, and laughter in her home.

This same daughter, when she was about 8-years-old, wrote a picture book for me called MOMS. She illustrated it in her vibrant and boldly-colored signature style, filling it with pictures of moms in all sizes, shapes, colors and styles. Her short but sweet story reads, “Some moms are big; some moms are small. Some moms are short; some moms are tall. Some moms are cool; some moms are quiet (a picture of a rather bookish-looking mom here). Some moms are black, some moms are white but my mom is just right (meaning, of course, just right for me).”
All these years later, my daughter’s story reminds me that we moms need not be exactly alike, that each mother can have her special way of being in the world, of being with their children. And, if we will act on these truths, we can give ourselves the permission we need to use our unique gifts and talents to be our own kind of moms, the kind of moms who are themselves, and in being themselves, just right for the children in their care.

Daily Arrogance and an Attitude of Gratitude

We often hear people use the phrase "An attitude of gratitude," but what does that mean exactly? Aside from the obvious, I have been thinking lately about being picky, unsatisfied or covetous and how those traits relate to gratitude - or lack of it.

I was teaching a lesson in seminary a few weeks ago that had to do with people neglecting to express their gratitude to the Lord for everything and I began to think about some of the ways I have been ungrateful.

I can be picky at times. For instance, Once when given a gift for my birthday I wondered why the giver had chosen a less expensive model instead of one that was more exciting. I let this thought bother me for weeks feeling resentful at times. That was decades ago and I'd like to think I have matured some since then. But looking back it was incredibly ungrateful of me to feel anything but gratitude. No one is obligated to give me anything, regardless of the occasion. And the Lord has given me so much that I have no right to expect more from Him or anyone else. Being picky, and then resentful, kept me from being grateful.

I have a friend who often compares himself to others and ends up feeling deprived. Regardless of what he has, he can always find someone who he perceives as having more, bigger, better. Instead of being grateful for what the Lord has blessed him with, he feels like he is "less than" in the eyes of God for not having been given the biggest and the best. This keeps him from feeling grateful and appreciative for what he does have.

I have a relative who wants to be seen as part of the "in crowd." He has spent his life trying to obtain what his neighbors and colleagues seem to have. When a friend buys a fancy car he begins to covet that car as well as the lifestyle his friend seems to enjoy. Coveting blinds him to the wonderfulness of his own life. Believing that he just isn't good enough unless he is like everyone else keeps him from recognizing the talents and gifts he has been given. He sells himself short and he isn't able to sincerely give thanks to God for his life, family or material blessings.

These are obvious examples, but every time we get upset because the maid forgot to clean a window seal, or when we tell a child that they could have done a better job selling those chocolate bars, we are forgetting to be grateful. We forget that we have so much more than most people in the world. We take for granted that our children are healthy and able to participate in school fund raisers. We become narcissistic and arrogant, believing that we deserve even more than we have been granted. And we forget that everything we have - even our next breath, has been given to us by God.

Obama, End Times & the Apocalypse

I'm afraid. When I let myself think about all of the frightening things that can happen in this country if the wrong person is elected president, I become very afraid. My own personal challenge is to allow myself to turn off the fear and lean on faith in the Lord. That is easier said than done.

This week Barack Hussein Obama took the lead in the race for the democratic nominee. Obama is charismatic and an engaging speaker, so was Jim Jones. He has been a life long community activist with little or no experience that would qualify him to run the most powerful country on Earth. And this week, his wife, the woman who would be our first lady said for the second time on the campaign trail that she has never been proud of her country. Only now that her husband is in the lead is she proud to be an American. I have heard both of her comments. Let me quote her on the latest one;

Michelle Obama said "Let me tell you something, I have never in my adult life been proud of my country until now." Her sentiments are supported by her husband - the would-be president of the United States of America. Is this the kind of family we want in the White House, people who are not proud of their country?

Yes it's true that he also has a brother who is a radical Muslim who supports Sharia Law - a system of Muslim laws that include the right to murder your wife, daughter or sister is she does not comply with the law. And although some rags state that Barack plans to enforce Sharia Law if elected president, I don't know that I agree with that. However it is common knowledge that his brother would support that.

I think the bigger problem is in trusting a president with strong Muslim ties to choose us, his country (which he has not been proud of) over his family and religious ties in the War on Terror. In fact he says he will instantly pull everyone out of Iraq. He isn't willing to be in a war against his family members.

So I'm afraid. I'm afraid that, this being the end times, we are in for a world of changes. I'm afraid that we are about to see a plethora of ancient and modern prophecies being fulfilled. And I fear for my family, my church family and our way of life.

But we all knew it would eventually come to this didn't we. President Hinkley regularly told us to be of good cheer. He told us that the fulfillment of prophecy was a good thing, that we need to be spiritually and physically prepared to deal with it. He often told us the importance of strengthening our families, our children and our homes so that we could stay close to the Lord during trying times.

So if I have faith in the Lord, if I am doing all that I can to live worthily, I should be able to replace my fears with faith. I know that one cannot live both in fear and faith at the same time, so I must choose which state of mind I will give my power to. The best thing I can do is to study the council of the prophets and to make all of the changes they have asked us to make.

Instead of worrying about how awful things might get, I need to make sure I and my family are prepared to endure whatever comes. I need to get my affairs in order, financially, spiritually and physically. That includes doing everything I can to strengthen my testimony. Because whatever happens, in the end, it is my testimony that will carry me through.

So, regardless of who is elected president, God knows how to take care of us. He knows what needs to happen in order for Jesus Christ to return to the Earth. He knows when each of us will return to him. And in the eternities, our little stay here on Earth will seem very far away. There will be joy in having our family with us for all eternity in the Celestial Kingdom. And that is nothing to fear.

Religious Bigots Come Out of Woodwork During Romney Campaign

This is an AP article about Anti-Mormon attacks on Mitt Romney and the church.

Romney Bid Was a Crucible for Mormons

By RACHEL ZOLL – Feb. 8, 08

Mitt Romney isn't the only casualty in his failed presidential bid. The Mormon church, yearning for broad acceptance, also took a beating.

Extremists denounced Romney's campaign as a Mormon plot to take over the country. Some Evangelicals feared that a Mormon in the White House would draw more converts to his faith.

Mormon practices were picked apart, even ones that had been abandoned long ago such as polygamy. Romney tried to focus on politics, but was often asked about sacred Mormon undergarments.

"It is prejudice," said Richard Bushman, an emeritus professor at Columbia University, who is a leading historian and devout Mormon. "Underlying all these questions is that these beliefs are basically crazy so you've got to explain them to us."

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints anticipated some of the backlash and tried to get ahead of it. Well before the former Massachusetts governor officially announced his candidacy, Mormon officials started traveling the country, speaking with reporters and editorial writers about the LDS church and its political neutrality.

The goal was to protect the church. But nonpartisanship handicapped the denomination when it needed a vigorous defense.

"I'm not questioning the policy of neutrality. That's not in any doubt," said Michael Otterson, the church's media relations director. "But I think the very reality is that we've had to be very careful about choosing our words and not appearing to either be supporting or not supporting a particular candidate."

Before Romney ran, Mormons thought they were generally accepted in the mainstream, especially after their previous success in the world spotlight: the 2002 Salt Lake Olympics.

Yet, in November, half of respondents to an Associated Press-Yahoo poll said they had some problems supporting a Mormon presidential candidate. Among white evangelicals, more than half expressed reservations about backing a Latter-day Saint.

"I was surprised at the level of intensity and sometimes flat out animosity," said Lowell C. Brown, a Los Angeles attorney who is Mormon. "I had no idea. I'm in my 50s, I've been a Mormon all my life, I've lived in L.A. for 25 years, and it floored me."

Many Christians said they were raising legitimate theological concerns, not Mormon-bashing.

The news service of the Southern Baptist Convention, which considers the LDS church a cult, ran a six-part series through December explaining why they don't consider Mormonism to be Christian. (They also profiled a distant Romney relative who is Protestant and manages a Southern Baptist-affiliated bookstore in Salt Lake.)

In just one example of the practices that set Mormons apart, LDS church founder Joseph Smith revised — and in his view corrected — parts of the Bible.

Brown said it was "nonsense" to consider questions about Romney's faith simply a dialogue about religion. Mormons were especially outraged when GOP presidential contender Mike Huckabee, a Southern Baptist pastor, asked whether Mormons consider Jesus and the devil brothers. Latter-day Saints say Huckabee's question is usually raised by those who wish to smear the Mormon faith rather than clarify doctrine.

"If you're making a decision about whether or not to vote for someone because of their religion, you're flirting with bigotry," said Brown. He monitored the commentary on his blog Article VI, named for the constitutional provision barring any religious test for public office.

Richard Mouw, president of Fuller Theological Seminary, a prominent evangelical school in Pasadena, Calif., said some Christian conservatives consider Mormonism not just a questionable faith, but also a rival political force. He lived in Michigan in the 1960s, when Romney's father, George, was governor there. At that time, evangelicals weren't deeply involved in politics. Many supported George Romney.

"What's going on when his son runs and all of a sudden there's this overt hostility that came out, which did not come out toward his father," said Mouw, who is part of a group of evangelical and Mormon scholars who meet to discuss their theological disagreements. "I'm kind of ashamed of the way that a lot of traditional Christians have handled this."

Yet, Mormons say some good has come from the attacks. Romney's candidacy pulled the church even further into the public square.

Mormon leaders posted videos on YouTube explaining their faith. A church elder, recently speaking to Mormon college students, urged young people to post about the Latter-day Saints on blogs — a major move for a denomination with a history of quietly answering its outside critics. After Romney's Dec. 6 speech in Texas defending his faith, a Mormon leader went on al-Jazeera television, the Quatar-based network, to discuss the church.

"Gov. Romney has, perhaps without intending to do so, rendered the church a service," said Robert Millet, a scholar of the church and professor at the LDS-owned Brigham Young University. "It's served as a kind of wakeup call for Saints themselves to the fact that we're not as well understood as we think we are. How can it be the case that Gov. Romney and his feelings about Christ and his feelings about religion have been so little understood?"
On the Net:

* Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: http://www.lds.org/

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The Book of Mormon in 97 Days - A Tribute to President Hinkley

Perhaps you have already heard but there is a website that is set up for those who want to honor President Hinkley by reading the Book of Mormon in 97 days - one day for every year of his life.

The website is nice and worth looking at whether you decide to join in the Book of Mormon challenge or not. Go to www.hinckleychallenge.com/warriors .php to log in and join the thousands who have already taken on the challenge.

President Hinkley understood how vital it is for each of us to gain our own testimony of the Book of Mormon. And those of us who took him up on his prophetic challenge to read the Book of Mormon before the end of 2006 have reaped countless blessings for doing so.

I teach seminary in my ward and I and my students have decided to take on this challenge as a way to keep President Hinkley's memory alive. It is giving us all a spiritual and fulfilling way to grieve the loss of someone we love so dearly.




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Thomas S. Monson Set Apart as new Prophet

President Thomas S. Monson is now the President, prophet seer and revelator for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and the world. Today the announcement was made to the church and to the press announcing that President Monson has called Elder Eyring to be his 1st counselor and Elder Uchtdorf as his 2nd counselor in the first presidency. President Boyd K. Packer, is the new president of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

President Monson is the 16th president of the church. he has served the church for most of his life and was called to be a Bishop at the early age of 22. He was made an apostle and a member of the Quorum of the Twelve at age 37. In the press conference this afternoon he said that he has worked with President Hinkley so closely for so long that he believes that they both have the same goals and hopes for the church.

I loved President Hinkley so much, and like most members of the church, I trusted him with my eternal welfare. But I also love President Monson and I feel certain that he is led by the Lord. As with all loss, we need to grieve the loss of a wonderful family member. At the same time let's embrace President Monson and determine to keep on keeping on.
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President Hinkley on Education

Gordon B. Hinckley, “‘With All Thy Getting Get Understanding’,” Ensign, Aug 1988, 2–5

"I desire to share some thoughts having to do with education—specifically the education of our minds and hearts, for those are the instruments by which we obtain knowledge. Said the Lord to Oliver Cowdery, “Yea, behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart.” (D&C 8:2.)

I remember a day some years ago when I strolled about the campus of a great university. I was impressed with the splendor of the buildings, the immaculate laboratories, the teaching theaters, the magnificent library, the dormitories, the gymnasiums. But I was more impressed with the students. There were thousands of them—handsome young men and beautiful young women, seemingly serious and intent and earnest.

I am awed by the great forces of knowledge represented in our time. Never before have so many been educated in the learning of the world. What a powerful thing it is—the intensive schooling of a large percentage of the youth of the world, who meet daily at the feet of instructors to garner knowledge from all the ages of man.

The extent of that knowledge is staggering. It encompasses the stars of the universe, the geology of the earth, the history of nations, the culture and language of peoples, the operation of governments, the laws of commerce, the behavior of the atom, the functions of the body, and the wonders of the mind.

With so much knowledge available, one would think that the world might well be near a state of perfection. Yet we are constantly made aware of the other side of the coin—of the sickness of society, of the contentions and troubles that bring misery into the lives of millions.

Each day we are made increasingly aware of the fact that life is more than science and mathematics, more than history and literature. There is need for another education, without which the substance of secular learning may lead only to destruction. I refer to the education of the heart, of the conscience, of the character, of the spirit—these indefinable aspects of our personalities which determine so certainly what we are and what we do in our relationships one with another.

Over fifty years ago while serving in England as a missionary, I went to the London Central YMCA. I suppose that old building has long since gone, but I can never forget the words that faced visitors in the foyer each time they entered. They were the words of Solomon: “With all thy getting get understanding.” (Prov. 4:7.)

Understanding of what? Understanding of ourselves, of the purposes of life, of our relationship to God who is our Father, of the great divinely given principles that for centuries have provided the sinew of man’s real progress!"

Your New Year's Resolution and Repentance

In Sunday School today someone mentioned that "a New Year Resolution is really another form of repentance." That made sense to me. After all, we change our life to improver it, to replace less-righteous habits with better ones. Even the most popular resolution - to loose weight - is really a decision to more fully keep the Word of Wisdom. That requires repenting of one's previously lax attitude toward the Word of Wisdom. A resolution to read the scriptures daily requires repenting of not following the Prophets previous counsel to read the scriptures daily.

Harold B. Lee once said that "a goal not written is only a wish." And after thinking about New Year Resolutions and repentance, I've come to the conclusion that a resolution without repentance is only a dream. The repentance process helps us to make the commitment required to change our behavior. By admitting our wrong doing, we can consciously make the decision to stop that behavior. By promising God that we will change our life we are enlisting him as our partner in making that change. Repenting enables us to put away our undesirable behaviour which in turn opens the door to pursuing a more righteous lifestyle.

Let's no longer allow our life to be consumed with wishes and dreams. If you truly desire to make a permanent change in your life, acknowledge your need to repent of the behavior you desire to change. Allow the Lord to be your partner and together you can make your resolution a reality.

The Coral Beads - Be Not Deceived

A few years ago we took our family and my mother on a 3 week trip to the South Pacific. While in Fiji my mother bought some pearl and coral jewelry. By the time we arrived back home one of the tiny coral beads had fallen off of one of her earrings. She was devastated and because I was an armature jewelry maker she asked me if I could fix it.

I went to work using polymer clay, mixing textures and colors, attempting to create something that could be made into a bead that looked exactly like the other coral beads on the earring.

After several experiments I hit upon a perfect match. Lovingly, I shaped and baked the bead. I spent hours sanding, polishing and varnishing it so that it would take on the sheen of the genuine coral beads. Then I glued the little bead onto the earring.

The next day I took it to my mother. I asked her if she could tell which bead was the counterfeit coral. She took out her reading glasses and closely inspected the earring. Finally she said with surprise, "I can't tell the real ones from the one you made."

Afterward I thought about what I had accomplished and I wondered if this was exactly how the adversary worked his medium, used his tools, to create fakes. Heavenly Father created the real coral beads, but the fake bead was hone slowly, deceptively, with the intent of fooling those who looked upon it.

At first glance, and even upon closer inspection, it looked just as pleasing as the real thing. In fact, the only way to determine which bead was the counterfeit would be to take it apart, look deeper into its makeup and perhaps, to crush it. Applying pressure to the real beads would cause the molecules within its structure to coalesce, to work together to fend off the opposing force. But under pressure, the clay bead would break apart and become thousands of disorganized, worthless particles.

The adversary is a capable creator of the dark arts. He can produce deceptive fakes that at first glance look as pleasing as the truth. I'm sure that he first notices where we are weak, lost and broken, then he goes to work to hone and polish a deceptive gem to fill the hole in our sole.

In a world full of imitations we need to be ever vigilant, ever aware of the deceptions that confront us in our life. Those deceptions will come to us through our areas of weakness, and take advantage of our fear. The evil reproduction may appear pleasing on the surface, but underneath it is is filled with barbs that will hook our spirit and drag us into the depths of despair.

We must protect ourselves continually by staying close to the Lord, learning his will and doing everything we can to remain worthy to receive guidance from the Holy Spirit. Sometimes living the gospel feels like pressure, but if we remain true we will be strengthened for our faithfulness. We will be better able to distinguish between truth and deception.

Karen Dougherty

The Two Sides of Adversity

“As ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort”(see Mosiah 18:8–9).

As members of a ward family we are often called upon to assist in caring for others in our ward who need physical, emotional and spiritual help. Doing so not only brings blessings to those who are in need but it helps us, the provider, deepen our compassion, feel needed, and live less selfishly.

All of us will experience the difficulties that this life can bring; surviving difficulty is a large part of our journey in this estate. Growing through those difficulties is not just about learning the lesson of the trial, but it is about humbling ourselves enough to ask for and to receive help from others.

Both sides of adversity can be a growing experience. In the long run, the adversity of one can benefit the lives of many as long as humility and compassion work together. Bishop Richard C. Edgley, First Counselor in the Presiding Bishopric related the following in Conference last October:

"From bearing one another’s burdens as ward members, we have learned several lessons:

1. The Lord’s organization is fully adequate to know and care for those with even the most dire emotional and spiritual needs.
2. Adversity can bring us closer to God, with a renewed and enlightened appreciation for prayer and the Atonement, which covers pain and suffering in all their manifestations.
3. Members who suffer tragedy firsthand often experience an increased capacity for love, compassion, and understanding. They become the first, last, and often the most effective responders in giving comfort and showing compassion to others.
4. A ward, as well as a family, draws closer together as it endures together—what happens to one happens to all.
5. And perhaps most important, we can each be more compassionate and caring because we have each had our own personal trials and experiences to draw from. We can endure together."

I have experienced both sides of diversity and I have also been blessed with enormous growth from each side. Let's be grateful for our ward family and for the challenges the Lord gives us to work through. In the arms of our ward family we never have to tackle hardship alone.

Prophets, Perfection and God's Choices

In seminary this year I'm teaching The Old Testament. Part of the lessons we have had this week are about Moses and his many moments of questioning God's instruction. The class decided that he must have had difficulty maintaining his faith in God and in God's power. I am inclined to agree.

I thought about this a great deal today. Moses was a prophet,led by God, and a talented leader. But he was human. He had grown up with the teachings of the Pharaoh, not the gospel. In essence, he was a convert and in spite of that he ended up being an incredibly righteous man.

He was given the opportunity to frequently commune with the Lord. He spoke with him face to face. He was transformed in order to withstand the immense presence of God, and yet he was not a perfect person. In fact no prophet in ancient or modern history has ever been perfect. All of them were and are human and are therefore fallible.

Being a prophet doesn't mean you are no longer tempted, or no longer make human mistakes. It does mean that for reasons only God knows, that person was chosen to receive revelation for the church and it's population. That individual was the one whom the Lord chose to carry out His plan at that particular time.

Was Joseph Smith perfect? Absolutely not. But he was a prophet. He was chosen by the Lord to receive the fullness of the gospel and to restore Christ's church on the earth with the proper priesthood authority and organization that Christ originally brought to the Earth. Jesus Christ is the only person to live on the earth from birth to death in a state of complete perfection.

Today President Hinkley is a prophet to the world. Is he perfect? Absolutely not. But he and he alone has been given all the keys to the priesthood as well as the authority to receive revelation for the good of the church.

When we are confronted by people who argue that a prophet has led an imperfect life, fill them in on the facts here. Imperfection is human. That is precisely why Christ came to the earth, to atone for our sins. That is why we are taught to forgive, and to repent for our misdeeds. The only real sin is to deny that the atonement pertains to all. The act of repentance is what makes the difference between righteous men (and women)and those who remain in sin.

Forgiveness - The Gift you Give Yourself

The Holiday Season reminds us to be compassionate toward others. But what about someone who has offended you in some way? How can you be compassionate toward someone you feel has hurt you? Forgiving someone who has offended you is the best way to let go of negative energy and hurt feelings.

Forgiveness isn't about condoning the offending behavior, nor is it about forgetting that it ever happened. Forgiveness is a choice to no longer allow the offender's previous behavior to control your emotions. It is about letting go of your anger, and choosing to step out of the victim role.

What is forgiveness?

There's no single definition of forgiveness. But in general, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentments and thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness is the act of releasing yourself from thoughts and feelings that keep you tied to the offense committed against you. Doing so can reduce the power these feelings have had over you. When you forgive, you can live a freer and happier life in the present instead of focusing on your negative past experience. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiving isn't the same as forgetting what happened to you. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. And forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.

There are also tangible benefits to forgiving?

Researchers have recently become interested in studying the effects of being unforgiving and being forgiving. Evidence shows that holding onto grudges and bitterness results in long-term health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, offers numerous benefits, including:

* Lower blood pressure
* Stress reduction
* Less hostility
* Better anger management skills
* Lower heart rate
* Lower risk of alcohol or substance abuse
* Fewer depression symptoms
* Fewer anxiety symptoms
* Reduction in chronic pain
* More friendships
* Healthier relationships
* Greater religious or spiritual well-being
* Improved psychological well-being

Help yourself - forgive your offender and live a happier, less stress-filled life.